the sapphic runner

Familiar Grooves

2010-10-13T15:05:00.003-04:00

My first go round with marathon training was somewhat successful -- insofar as it got me to the finish line in a reasonable amount of time, and I felt reasonably healthy throughout. Joining forces with an experienced training partner for my 2nd and 3rd marathons allowed me to realize just how much energy I wasted the first time around, a byproduct of inexperience and fear (and if I am honest with myself obstinance).

This week I got to thinking about what started me on this path, what happened to get me barely making it down the block to completing three marathons, numerous other races, and planning for more, what did it? The reasons I started running stemmed from anxiety, its one of the only ways I've found to truly quiet my mind, to burn off the nervousness, and also to work through and release problems and challenges. Having a goal to train for makes the consistency easier, it allows for days of camaraderie and celebration, a sense of accomplishment.

In my new found life as a runner, training falls into familiar grooves. I found the discipline of marathon training has made a permanent mark on my psyche. I find I still have a lingering fear that I'm not doing enough, and it's hard to combat. With the half upcoming I realized that I didn't have a training plan in place, and because I haven't been running distance I am feeling a bit untethered. I revert right into my grooves.

Yet, I don't need 40+ mile weeks to run a half marathon well. Now is the time to jump out of the grooves, take a deep breath, and have faith in my summer base training and speed work. Routines are important, miles are important, but as a good friend reminded me last night, so is running my own race and running healthy. Life is so much better when you listen to more than one record, so I'm jumping the track and hitting many different grooves, familiar and foreign.

Surrender

2010-09-30T14:51:00.001-04:00

Surrender. What does it mean? Giving up when we know that we have been beaten. Giving ourselves over to a power greater than ourselves. Letting down our defenses, our walls, and our prejudices. Raising a white flag, saving our own lives.

Surrender. It need not mean defeat, but rather the end of a practice that no longer works. Giving up on battles that do little but waste time, energy, and resources.

When my quad was torn in the course of the Pittsburgh Marathon, I reached a place in my running where the best option was surrender. I stopped and gave myself over to a power greater than myself, physical therapy. The way I had been running no longer worked, I needed to strengthen the weak parts of myself and in so doing pave the way to stronger running, and lessened injury risk.

Perseverance is a trait shared by almost every distance runner, marathoner. Tenacity and perseverance get us to the end of 26.2 miles, they get us through weeks of arduous training, The power to overcome physical and mental challenges, the knowledge of ones personal power is one of the sweetest lessons learned in training. The other side of the coin to perseverance is surrender. Yin and yang.

There’s a certain type of strength in surrender, maturity, self-knowledge. I find as I move farther down the road from novice and beginner that I now know my own body better, I have a better grip on my limits and in this I grow in humility.

I have often taken pride in my fierce independence, my grit, my determination and these traits have taken me far in my running life – but not until recently did I discover that softness, openness, and letting go of control are just as important.

Surrender, letting go, and listening to my own body and those who have come before me, emulating rather than competing. Knowing myself. Injury brought these gifts, and for this I am grateful.

Transitions

2010-05-26T14:01:00.003-04:00

The off season. Often greeted with bittersweet joy, fatigue, and the perpetual question, what do I do now? Before I took up running, I didn't have such defined seasons in my life (besides the seasons provided to me through the natural world). I have never, until now, had an on season of intense training to offset.

Last year I emerged from the marathon relatively physically unscathed. I returned to running about a week after the race, albeit at a reduced level. I set my sights on the Rachel Carson challenge and enjoyed hiking and communing with nature, as well as doing the steps at the Cathedral of Learning. It was active enough and different enough that it mitigated the post race let down. A nice place to land.

This time around, my quad injury has me sidelined and in physical therapy. I'm grateful for it, and know that what I learn will ultimately make me a stronger and better runner. Still, this presents me with another mental challenge, this time to come to terms with who I am, outside of running. To come face to face with that which I put on pause, soothed, avoided through all those miles. The set schedule. The predictable and comforting rhythm of exertion and rest. The tired joy of working towards a goal.

I am in a state of transition, transitioning not only to a post-race off season but in terms of my life as whole. Running and training serves as a healthy crutch, but there comes a time when you have to walk on your own two feet, and that time is now. I've made a lot of changes in the past years, changes that may not be so apparent on the surface, that I have only revealed and discussed with a few. I'm not sure I can articulate it so well here -- but I can feel it, and I feel now that I am facing the real me without a filter, without a buffer and it's ecstatic, scary, elating, sometimes boring but always, always, worth it.

Pittsburgh Marathon the Second Time Around

2010-05-10T15:23:00.002-04:00

It's taken me a week to get around to writing about this year's marathon -- a week where my energies where devoted to absorbing the race, resting, and recovering.

I showed up at the starting line full of enthusiasm, energy, and a touch of fear. I worried about what might go wrong, even though I arrived there with 16 weeks of solid training under my belt and the experience of 2 previous marathons. Fighting shape. I ambitiously affixed the 3:40 pace group number to the back of my shirt -- a lofty goal, sure but I figured there was nothing to be lost by stating my intention. Thankfully the port-a-potties were well placed this year, and I managed to make 2 pit stops with minimal waiting before the race start. I found Jess and an assortment of other friends before the race, which calmed me as much as I was able to be calmed. With a few minutes until the start, Jess and I lined up with the 3:40ers, and wished each other luck.

The start went smoothly, we didn't have to dodge many mis-lined-up runners and we were able to establish a groove early on. The moment I crossed the start line all of the pent up anxiety started to melt away into the effort of the race itself. At mile 2 the rain started, which was a welcome respite from the heavy heat and humidity. Cooled considerably, if a bit soggy, we circled back through the Strip and into my North Side stomping grounds -- the fans were amazing coming out in the rain, seeing Karen, then Sandra (+ family!!!) and then the Harper-Blackwell family gave me quite a boost. At this point Jess and I were keeping a decent pace, right around our goal pace of 8:24. I felt like it was a bit challenging but do-able.

The rain continued and so did we, over the picturesque West End bridge and down onto Carson Street, the big windup to the one and only major hill. Jess and I psyched each other up and approached the hill positively. Tackling the hill was one of the highlights of the race for me, in no small measure due to the excellent Jock Jams and cheerleaders, blasting 'Woomp, There It Is' and 'Push It'. Simply perfect. Coasting into Oakland I spotted Mike, champion cheer-er and relished the feeling of the 1/2 way point.

The good feelings didn't last long as I approached the bend at Craig street fatigue began to set in. I watched as the pace group gained on me, and felt simply like I couldn't keep up. I felt it, big time. By the time we reached Shadyside I felt like I was seriously dragging -- I did the best I could but it was at this point when I knew somatically that 3:40 was not going to happen. I made sure to drink lots of fluids, took some Gu and just hung on. Another boost came around mile 17, with a party of the bestcheerersever, Ehrrin (with foam finger AND pom poms!), Barbara, Logan, and Lisa -- I was feeling so drained at this point I was unable to enjoy it much but it really, really helped. Around this time I started to feel some serious nausea set in, the like of which I had only experienced at the end of 5k races. I slowed down enough to feel comfortable and Jess pulled ahead. Staying in the race was the only thing on my mind at that point and I just kept going. I just kept going.

Around mile 21 I was beginning to get a second wind, feeling better if not great when I heard the announcement that all runners where to stop running due to an emergency. I spotted an ambulance and figured there was a major medical emergency of some sort, so I slowed to a walk (stopping outright would not have been a good idea at this point!). Without much information I wasn't sure what to do -- so after about a minute or so I picked up running again (turns out it was due to a bomb threat, but I didn't find that out until later). Coming into Bloomfield I really felt my energy pick up and I picked up my pace as much as I could reasonably -- the fans are fantastic in Bloomfield, especially the dancing nuns, a runner around me remarked that you really don't see that every day, and I'd have to agree with him.

Running down Liberty hurt a lot less then in 2009, which I attribute to my slowed pace in the middle miles and my overall greater fitness level. The downhill was, dare I say it, a treat. Hitting that final mile I gave it all I got, pulling in at 3:57:52 -- 11 seconds faster than last year.

I found Jess in the finish area and we stocked up on fluids, pretzels, and the very Pittsburgh smiley cookie. Walking slowly and soggily I found my best-dawg Paki and crew, who shepherded me to the car and warm and dry clothes.

Overall, I am happy with how I did in the race, I know I gave it absolutely everything I had. I had hopes that my performance would be better, but I also know that despite all the preparation in the world things don't always go as planned. I feel great, mentally -- partially because I hit the wall and made my way through it. Physically I am not faring as well, but I feel better with each day, and am getting my quad checked out this week. Now my only task is complete rest and recovery --- enjoying activities and friends I've neglected during my training. The second time around may not have been as sweet as the first but it was no less meaningful.

Just Breathe

2010-04-27T13:04:00.002-04:00

Breathing. A simple concept. One that happens naturally, without thought. Breathing keeps us alive. Nourishes the cells of our bodies, keeps us conscious. It's basic.

This week I am returning and reminding myself of the basics. Connecting to the simple processes of life, living in that single breath, in and out, living in and for the day, the hour, the minute.

One of the major reasons why I took up running was to deal with anxiety, and it's one of the major reasons I continue to run. Hours on the trail or the road clear my mind like nothing else. The moving meditation releases all the chatter, centers me, connects me to a higher source, evens me out. The taper, which is an important component of marathon training comes at a time when anxiety about the race is at its peak, this coupled with a sudden decrease in my anti-anxiety activity can have a profound mental and emotional impact.

I find myself focusing inward this time around, accepting how I am feeling. I find that when I get in touch with the actual feelings, it is not nearly as scary as I imagined, I'm not nearly as anxious. There's a certain beauty to this stillness, to the cultivated mental state of calm without exertion. I trust that I will be able to tap into the adrenaline, the nerves when the time is right. These days are teaching me that training has effected not only my physical body, but my mental core as well.

Breathing. In and out. This is where I dwell.

Significant Weight

2010-04-21T13:33:00.002-04:00

It's taper time. Less then two weeks until marathon day and I wish I could say I was feeling great. The best I can do is ok for now, with the belief that come race day I will be near enough to 100% to run the race I have trained for.

I feel strong. I feel mentally and physically prepared. I have just received a reminder that I am in a human body and that human bodies fall prey to illness from time to time. I have been unusually healthful this whole season and now I feel as though someone sapped the strength out of me. It started with a general fatigue and blossomed into something greater. I spent most of Monday in bed, resting and tending to myself as best I could.

My approach now is to take things one day at a time. It's easy enough to getting psyched out in the 'what ifs' of race day. What if I get sicker? What if I fall and sprain something in the next two weeks (which I definitely felt on my run last night when I tripped over myself!)?

The truth is, I don't know. No one knows what will happen from one day to the next, what combination of factors will lead to the race of a lifetime or just getting through, or not making it at all. We prepare as best we can.

I am giving significant weight to this race. I have felt for a long time that I was incapable of achieving lofty goals, so for years I've shied away from striving. I'm not sure if it's a fear of failure or success (or some combo of both) that has kept me from trying to achieve, but it's held me back from life for far too long. When I started running it touched a place within in me, a place in my core that said 'I can', and I never looked back. I may not be the speediest, it may not always come easily, but no one can say that I lack focus or dedication. So this race has significant weight, and that weight feels nice, I can say without a doubt that I have the strength to carry it.

Auto Pilot

2010-04-06T13:15:00.004-04:00

It's here folks. The aptly named monster month of marathon training. The month which presents both the challenges of the longest run and the somehow equally as challenging taper. One of my major struggles this time around has been taking proper rest, not over-doing, and I'm sure that heading into the taper will prove no less of a struggle. I intend to savor the last weeks of intensity to their fullest, extracting the highest quality workouts I can muster.

I feel as though my training is on auto pilot at this point. Over the past three months I've had the luxury of a stable schedule which has allowed me to ease into a comfortable rhythm (even when the workouts themselves prove uncomfortable). Speed on Monday. Mid-length on Wednesday. Yoga and Tempo on Thursday. Long Run Saturday. Rinse, repeat.

I feel like there's not much more to say -- I feel pleasantly unconflicted, healthy, and strong. I feel focused and prepared. I approach this time as I did my entire training - with dedication, an open heart, a wonderful partner, and the guidance of an expert. A recipe not only for a successful race but a well lived life in general. With these tools even the monster month is manageable.

Just a Short Run

2010-03-29T15:10:00.006-04:00

Over the past few weeks, sapphic runner land has been a pretty fatiguing and tiring place. The buildup of miles in the long runs, longer mid week runs in addition to some pretty intense speed workouts left me with little left to give. Dog tired (e-dawg tired, heh). These lows are a part of marathon training and even though I logically know they happen, they somehow always take me by surprise. Why is my temper suddenly short? The crankiness dialed up to the highest degree? It's not hard to figure out they whys with a quick glance at the training log.

So, according to our illustrious (and quite wise) training plan, we cut our mileage, I skipped my speed workout and took a few days off of work to just relax. It worked.

Saturday I approached Just a Short Run, a half-marathon and my last competitive event before the Pittsburgh Marathon with renewed energy. Last year we skipped this event, focusing on getting in a longer run. This year my goal was to run the best possible race a could, with an emphasis on the best, quality mileage I could achieve.

The day was chilly, clear, and bright -- wonderful weather for a run. I approached the starting line with my usual amount of excitement and anxiety -- happy for pace groups that ensured a smooth start. Bobbing and weaving my way to decent pace is not my idea of a good time. I started strong, enjoying a part of North Park I'd never run in previously, keeping my effort level high without over exerting myself. I settled in somewhere between the 1:40 and 1:50 pace groups, taking care to maintain my pace, drink water and to relax and enjoy as much as possible. I pushed myself, but never so much that I had to slow down and finished the race in 1:43:19, a personal record.

The race gave me a jolt of confidence and concrete marker that all my hard work over these weeks really is paying off. I am not one to micro-manage my speed and miles (though I do track them in a general way) -- so I was pleasantly surprised but what I was able to do. I felt a window of possibility open, the possiblity of making my highest marathon goal. I left the race with a sense of what could be -- and race day I will bring everything I have, and it just so happens that my everything could be enough to qualify for Boston. Until then, it's back to the grind with a little more confidence in every stride.

Equinoxing

2010-03-22T13:59:00.004-04:00

I feel as though the past few weeks have been a struggle, through fatigue, changes to routine -- I felt like the whole world was out enjoying the weather change and I was stuck in my 'hard times' mentality. Sure, outside the birds are chirping, the sun is glinting off Lake Elizabeth, all the snow has melted and folks are walking around with smiles on their faces, but I am sooooooooooo tired those smiles just seem to mock me.

Ever so slowly, following a return to normal nights sleep I noticed a bit of a change. Walking to work without all those layers, well that certainly felt nice. A longer stretch of daylight, the way the warmth of the sun eases my muscles, the familiar smells of earth, rain, and new growth. Slowly I felt a smile start to creep onto my face, naturally extending from the joy of a new beginning. Things began to feel more manageable. Last nights thunderstorm lulled me into a deep sleep, easing my tiredness and putting me right with world around me instead of at odds.

Just as the Winter comes after the Fall, Spring arrives after a long, cold, difficult winter. Every year. Despite my efforts to resist its easy charms, Spring is here. I'm not sure what it says about me that I hold to the difficult, almost treasure it - perhaps it's an underdog mentality nurtured by my surroundings. Pittsburgh is an underdog city if there ever was one, and as the youngest sibling I always feel a sense of living in someone else's shadow. The coming change of seasons is a good reminder that I don't always have to fight to win. The sunshine comes just the same as the cold, no matter how bleak things look, how fatigued we get, how much effort we put forth the halcyon days return eventually. I remind myself to enjoy it all, embrace the easy and relaxing fortify myself with the knowledge that rebirth and new growth will always happen.

March Madness

2010-03-18T10:03:00.002-04:00

T-minus 6 weeks and counting until the marathon -- these are the hardest weeks mentally and physically. I realize at times that marathon training skews my perspective. I'm so used to running long, running hard, running lots of miles that at the end of the week I wonder why I'm so tired, so worn out. And tired and worn out I am. The time change threw off my sleep schedule just enough that it's been difficult to get the extra sleep my body requires, leaving me fairly cranky. So much so that I'm having a difficult time feeling happy about the Spring -- as much as I love sun, warmth, light, I feel more downtrodden then I did during the height of the winter.

This too shall pass. We are cutting down are mileage this week to give our bodies a much needed respite, something I have found difficult to do in past training. Tonight I plan on taking a very easy run and then going to yoga. Rest and recovery is an important part of the process. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

So, if I seem a bit ornery, short, edgy it's nothing personal, it's the fatigue. March, truly the crankiest month (at least with an early May marathon!). Be well my friends.

Joys of the Dark

2010-03-11T13:14:00.004-05:00

Changes of season are always tough for me, particularly in the turning colder months -- even in the Spring, though it takes me a while to adjust. It takes me a few days (or in the case of winter a few weeks) to relax and adapt to my surroundings. The pure, simple joys of Spring hurry the process -- warm temperatures, clear blue skies, and the smell of knew growth all around me make it hard to stay grumpy. Self reflection and self reliance give way to a communion with the environment, movement towards extroversion.

Late winter brings about a confusion of temperature, and likewise makes it difficult to dress just right. Yesterdays run began in sunny warmth giving way to a frosty night when the sun went down. I wore a t-shirt and capris which proved just barely sufficient for the conditions. I began last nights run not with a sense of excitement and adventure but a sense of 'when will this be over'. I spent the first miles feeling uncomfortable, just a little too cold, the camelbak fitting just a little off, traffic just a little bit too heavy for me to get in the zone. Some runs are like this. Despite my love of the sport sometimes I find myself just muddling through. Luckily with the setting of the sun I found my motivation rising. In the calm of the darkness I found the kernel of pleasure in my movement through the landscape. My eyes adjusted. Occasionally a car or another runner would pass, but for the most part I felt it was just me and the trees.

Not sure what it says about me that I sometimes prefer the cold and dark to the light and the sun. Sometimes I just feel like a renegade, deriving pleasure from going against the grain. There's a certain beauty in the darkness, in stillness, in the inner reaches of the self -- it's subtle, internal. And yes, I love the obvious pleasure of the sunny day, with a slight breeze, trails filled with happy runners and walkers. I love the sun, but I find myself treasuring the dark in a way I never thought I would. I welcome Spring and longer days, with a nod to the loss of the pleasures of darkness.

dashing through the...sun

2010-03-08T13:09:00.002-05:00

For the past month I meant to get around to writing a blog specifically about running during this years epic snow storm. I even went as far to come up with the title 'dashing through the snow' and did mental outlines at various points. Turns out it was not to be, and I find myself writing now that things have thawed out, despite the chill of late winter the sun is shining and melting the remaining snow piles down to dirty city streams and crunchy ice layers.

I am entering the second phase of marathon training and things are going well. I managed to run as best I could during the month of February, and counted myself lucky that I live just a few blocks from my gym -- at points I felt like I was working out more than I would have without the snow fall. Jess and I ran the annual Spring Thaw, and I saw an improvement in my time from last year which I was pleased about, but I was short of the pace I need to qualify for Boston this year. It made me realize that though the goal of qualifing is a good one, and it helps me amp up and stay on track there is the possibility that it will not happen this race. It threw me for a loop, but this is all part of the training process, all part of setting an ambitious goal. I have made peace with the fact that though I am still striving to achieve a 3:40 marathon I will be ok if I fall short. 3:40 is a stars align type of a goal, more realistically I seek to improve my time from last years marathon and truth be told finishing another marathon, despite any adverse circumstances will be something to celebrate.

Watching the Olympics brought up a lot of 'what if I don't make it' feelings for me, seeing atheletes at the top of their sport, with so much riding on this one competition falling short -- well it made me feel scared about my own chances of achieving my goal / dream. Perspective. It's hard to keep sometimes, and a balancing act of pushing myself, motivating myself and resting and letting go. I do care about the result. If I didn't care about the result, the goal wouldn't motivate me, but at certain point, with all the motivation that the goal provides it's imperative to let go and let God. Running gives me joy and pleasure (and yes, pain too), it focuses me, provides me with an outlet as well as a link to a higher state of being. The goal is important but less so for a single moment of achievement then the way it enriches the journey.

A Fine Balance

2010-01-25T13:29:00.003-05:00

It's an all to familiar feeling the ache of a quad muscle, the days later reminder of too much, too fast, too steep. This weekend's long run featured a punishing hill which I knew would be a challenge, somehow when you are are out doing a run anything seems possible. It's not until the next day when over-doing-it comes home to roost.

I often feel this way after a race so the feeling is not foreign to me but during training it's a signal of doing too much. Over extending during training taxes the body and makes it harder to hit the next week's workouts. I strive to do just enough to increase my fitness without crossing the line to wearing myself out. The balancing act is one of the hardest things about marathon training. Still, I do the best that I can with a moving target the shifting terrain, my fitness level, even chemical differences in my body from day to day.

So, I took a complete rest day yesterday and plan to a short recovery run this evening. I usually do speed work on Monday but have decided to hold off until my muscles feel 100%. As with other aspects of life intensity must be interspersed with relaxation or burnout follows. I am listening to my body and healing so that I can run another day.

Inflow and Outflow

2010-01-13T13:43:00.003-05:00

I am not sure how much I've chronicled this on the blog, but I have taken up hooping. Much like when I started to run it's an activity that just feels right to me, a discovery of a passion that has been untapped for a long, long time. I used to spend hours twirling the hoop around my waist when I was a kid, loving it's rhythm, the circularity of it all, the blend of concentration and mindlessness.

In hooping, around the waist there is a way that feels more comfortable, a favored direction which is the inflow and a more awkward direction which is outflow. Cultivating both is important in hooping -- to achieve balance and strength.

I like the concept of inflow and outflow, as it expands to include many things from the concrete breathing in and out to the broader theory of an essential self and a shadow self. Inflow feels right and natural and it's a satisfying place to rest, while outflow feels different, precarious, it takes more concentration, more exaggerated movements, more risks.

In terms of running, keeping this idea in mind helps me with balance. Believe it or not it is more difficult for my to reign in my distance and/or speed then to expand on it, it's hard for me to take it easy. I feel my prospects of success overall are demonstrated on each run, so I tend to go for the gusto and find myself sorely disappointed when I don't measure up -- this is one of the psychological issues I hope to ease this go round. Inflow and outflow, surrendering to ease and embracing challenge, this will help me to maintain balance in my journey to the finish line and beyond.

Preparing

2010-01-07T10:37:00.002-05:00

Last night over some seriously delicious takeout from Piccolo Forno (pizza with a fresh egg in the middle, yes please) my running partner and I plotted out our training for the Pittsburgh marathon. It made me realize just how easy I've been taking it, and that's a good thing because I believe this training will take a good portion of what I have physically and mentally. Well rested and healthy I have more resources to draw from.

Keeping in mind that we never follow a training plan 100% it is stil quitel daunting. I have been running about 4 times a week, no serious distance, and doing cross training another two days a week. I had it in my mind that marathon training entailed just a simple amp up of a long weekend run, perhaps a bit of speed. I hadn't considered that what I consider 'long' now is 8 miles, not the significant two hour run slated for next weekend.

I know this is not an easy endeavor, after all this will be my 3rd marathon, so I'm a bit past the novice phase when it comes to training. Still, I feel as though I blocked out how difficult it would be, vaguely remembering long run fatigue and sore muscles and little else.

I am anxious and a bit scared, and I plan to use that energy to propel myself forward. Work it out week by week, run by run, mile by mile. Tackling the plan one day at a time, and playing close attention to the signals my body sends, making sure to balance my efforts with good quality rest and nourishment. I'm ready to do this, shaky as I may feel, next week starts the journey.

Endings, Beginnings, and the Year Ahead

2009-12-31T10:45:00.003-05:00

As 2009 winds down I am taking a bit of a break from my usual running schedule. Partly due to circumstance, wind, snow, and ice and limited access to a tread mill and partly just to give myself a respite before full training begins for the 2010 Pittsburgh Marathon.

I have no complaints and quite a few successes in terms of running this past year. I made my goal of a sub 4 hour marathon. I completed a smattering of 5k races over the summer, and managed to get my time under 24 minutes. I sustained no major injuries and recovered well from all of my various races.

I took some time in the past week to ice skate, practice some pretty intense yoga -- which opened me up and also reminded me how much running shape does not correlate to every sport shape. My endurance and aerobic capacity carry me through, but the next day(s) my under used muscles scream. It reminds me both to consider my limitations and to work on my well rounded-ness, something difficult to do during marathon training but certainly possible in small ways.

2010 brings new goals and challenges, challenges that are both exciting and fear inducing. I am dedicating this year to the spirit of trust, building up trust in myself, my abilities, in those I love, and more widely in the provisions of the universe.

I wish everyone a happy and healthy New Year, that the year ahead is filled with love and a spirit of adventure, treasuring the journey as much as the destination. Peace.

Warmth from Within

2009-12-17T11:16:00.002-05:00

Last night I went out on a solo run, I was in the mood to run outside despite the frigid temperature and early darkness, I wanted to do some distance without having to face the monotony of an hour on the treadmill. I dressed carefully, layering, adding a little extra to guard against the wind the chilled me to the bone on my bike ride home. I picked up my ipod which I haven't used in a while and found the battery dead. Dead. Just great! Well, I used to run all the time solo without it, so I decided to head off with only my thoughts to distract me.

I stepped out the door and it was indeed cold, yet those first few strides activated me. There is something thrilling about running in the dark and the cold, a sense of conquering and overcoming the elements. I decided on a route around my neighborhood, sticking with major roads for light and safety. I found myself craving a jaunt through Riverview as well, so I worked out a way to incorporate the park. After my initial climb up Brighton I got into a groove, I felt my blood flowing and warming my extremities, I felt the freedom of simply being and being on the run, without music or conversation. Moving myself through the silence of the dark.

My run last night reacquainted me with what I fell in love with about running in the first place. Heart pumping, legs stretching forward, the sky open above me, relatively few souls around, I felt connected to myself and my environment. Creating warmth from within, each stride a heart opener.

Opening

2009-12-09T13:41:00.004-05:00

In this season of training-less-ness I have taken to practicing yoga. Now, I am not exactly a stranger to yoga, I have taken the odd class or workshop, but I have always stopped short of committing to a regular practice. I found every excuse, money, patience, time, 'I need to be active, the pace of yoga is too slow' I would say, but really it came down to fear. Would I be able to keep up with the class? I lived with the anxiety of doing it wrong and the anxiety of needing help, adjustment. Better to just avoid it, eh? After all, it was not as if I was neglecting my physical health.

I am not quite sure what gave me that final push -- but I decided to go, to a class at the local Y. It was a hot summer day. It turned out the usual teacher was away on vacation, which was fortuitous -- she did not know I was a new student and I could blend in, any awkwardness disguised by the new situation all around. I arrived at class dry mouthed and nervous -- but I left the class with a renewed sense of calm and well being. As trite as it sounds, the very thing I was so resistant too was the very thing I needed.

Now, missing yoga sets my week into an unbalanced state. I am learning, slowly, and learning to work with my bodies quirks, appreciate my certain grace-less-ness, and with that and in that the strength of my body and my spirit. Letting go, piece by piece, of that sense of perfection, of worth in perfection, letting go of my facade and feeding that energy into my body into my practice. I still run fast, work on speed but yoga allows me to open and stretch myself, little by little, sometimes imperceptibly. I am learning that I need not fear the quiet and calm.

Biting Off More Than I Can Chew

2009-12-07T09:54:00.002-05:00

You know that feeling when you take a big bite out of something, either out of not paying attention or a miss calculation of sorts you begin to chew and it's so uncomfortable and you have the option of either spitting out and trying again or committing and chewing for what seems like an eternity. The literal sensation of biting off more than you can chew is fairly unpleasant, which is what makes it such a good metaphor for taking too much on in any arena.

Running wise I am in a maintenance period -- I try to run four or five times a week without any specific emphasis on distance or speed. I've been biking to work almost every day and started a semi-regular yoga practice. I want to go into marathon training season strong, well rounded, and healthy, and so far I am on track to do just that.

So where does the overwhelm come in? Why the feeling of spit or commit?

I am making and going through some pretty major changes, the kind that touch every aspect of life and dredge up the yuck at the bottom of the pond, I was quite happy with it remaining dormant! Well, yes, not quite -- I feel good about where I am but it's hard and I have to take things day by day, hour by hour. I rely heavily on running and physical activity to get me through. When things start to feel overwhelming I focus on those things I can control and sometimes it just feels altogether too much. I am working on collecting recipes and mapping out a better nutrition program for training, and I find myself getting all tangled up and lost in the process -- I am learning a lot but I put so much pressure on myself -- I want everything to be perfect.

Just like in running, building gradually and staying relaxed are key, I am trying to keep things in perspective, but it's hard sometimes. When I'm out of my comfort zone I tend to stiffen, to speed up and this carries over into my emotional life as well. Slow and steady, one training run at a time, and little bites, this is what will get me through. Faith in the process.

Expanding. Changing. Stretching.

2009-09-14T16:24:00.004-04:00

My focus this year has been on expanding. Expanding in the sense of taking my foundation, those things that I have mastered and moving out from them as a means of growth. Unfurling and working my way forward gently. I like to picture myself in the center of a spiral, venturing out in a closely knit circular line all attached to a source, a center a purpose. Expanding cohesively, gradually and in this gently pushing myself to knew levels.

This weekend I ran the Ikea Half Marathon. I have run it once before, just a few weeks out from my bike accident last year. I took it easy then, as I wasn't sure how my sprained shoulder would react to the persistent pounding. I went out conservatively and found at the end I had plenty of juice left. I crossed the finish line with a spring in my step, a smile on my face, and the feeling that while I could have done better, getting back to racing successfully was way more than enough.

This year I ran the race with my running buddy Jess and approached it feeling differently than I have about any other major race. I didn't feel nervous. I didn't feel connected to the exiting and adrenaline producing atmosphere of race day but rather approached it as a utilitarian exercise. I have not run a distance race since the marathon, and I had not diligently prepared for this race. Sure, I have kept up my mileage, worked on speed, ate a well balanced meal the night before, I did not feel wholly unprepared yet it had not been my focus.

I wasn't sure how things would turn out out but I trusted I could complete the distance. I knew that much. Slogging through the last miles of the marathon where every step made a current of pain run through me let me know that 13 miles, no matter what, would be doable.

We started out downhill, the day was slight bit chilly but not cold, overcast but with the sun peeking through a few dusky grey clouds. Perfect for a race of some distance. As we began I felt a surge of joy, being there, being a part of a packe, doing sothing as elemental as putting one foot in front of the other as fast as we could go within reason it felt lovely, right. Racing brings with it a sense of civility married to an animal drive. We compete as well as bolseter each other, we look at the fastest runners with a sense of awe and encouragement no matter where we fall in the pack. We all come to this place to be a part of somethign as well as to run our own race.

I ran the race just a bit outside of my comfort zone and had very little left in me by the last three miles. I made it through -- finishing in a very respectable 1:50, just under a personal record.

I worry sometimes about setting high expectations for myself. Goals like qualifying for Boston seem so out of reach, I make tiny strides but the progress seems so slow. It is not easy to get faster, to endure longer, to push myself beyond my comfort zone. When I look back on where I started from I am amazed at how far and how fast I came -- it is and has been hard work but it always felt so simple, so natural, or perhaps I remember it that way only because this moment of striving and reaching further seems so hard. Still at the heart of it all, I believe I can make it further that I can get faster, that expansion happens not all at once, but slowly with hard work, dedication, and love. Patience, openess, and showing up will get me to the next level, nothing more, nothing less. I am right where I need to be.

Transitions

2009-09-03T14:51:00.005-04:00

Fall returns and with it chillier nights, falling leaves, and for me, a return to distance running. This summer I completed four 5k's, and feel well on my way to my goal of minute off my time from 2008. The curse is still with me around Run Around the Square, I came down with a pretty nasty cold a few days before the race, again running it just to finish as I have in years past. I'm beginning to believe I should never plan to run RATS fast something in the universe is telling me to slow it down. Still, it was great to be out there with some many folks, and to have my own little cheering crew. Running a race by myself is not something I shy away from, but having people there running it and watching does make a difference.

One thing that the summer brought was the addition of dedicated speed work to my weekly routine -- one of my least favorite running related activities, but one of the most beneficial to improving my overall strength and performance. Each week my running buddy and I meet up at the track, and run all out for various (short) distances, jogging between each to recover. It is never easy but there is some satisfaction to be gleaned from completing each leg and not collapsing into an anaerobic heap. There's something subtly exciting about the feel of lactic acid building in the legs, pushing past the point of no return.

I feel like my life is in the midst of some pretty big transitions, even though it may not seem so on the surface. My old way of doing things is no longer working for me, what once was comfortable and easy no longer seems that way. I remind myself that what seems hard now can be the gateway to greater strength, that through challenge and struggle we can access a potential we could not begin to dream of previously.

Black Eyed Susans

2009-08-04T15:02:00.003-04:00

August brings with it a heady humidity, the sounds of crickets of the night, and the beginning of an earlier nightfall. It's a heavy month drawing summer to a close, contrasting with the lightness of Spring, August is the culmination of growth, wildflowers, tomatoes, corn, all offered up in the fading light.

Running in August proves challenging, in terms of heat and humidity. It calls for short distance and not the long hauls of early spring, fall, and winter, yet even at a short distance I can find myself dehydrated, spent.

Last week I started to increase my overall mileage with my sights set on the Ikea Half Marathon a few weeks into September. I have been working on my speed pretty consistently but have been missing the distance, so I decided to work some more miles into my routine. This hasn't come easy, especially with the demands of speed work and steps. I continue though, because I know I will adapt, I know sooner rather than later I will be gliding along 13.1 miles and be glad for the work of it now. Sometimes when I push myself beyond my limits of tolerance, beyond what's comfortable the world comes into a brighter focus. The pop of a black eyed susan along the path, the brilliant yellow against a see of faded out greens and browns reminds me for all the pain, fatigue, struggle there is and will always be beauty and strength within and without.

Small Steps

2009-07-28T13:11:00.005-04:00

The process of change, of strengthening and quickening is an interesting animal. Perhaps animal is the wrong word -- what I mean is that it's rarely a linear progression from point a to point b. You get out there, log the miles, tough out a hard speed workout and some days you still seem to be going backwards, and some days it feels completely effortless.

This past weekend I ran the Run for Roch, which was a challenging, hilly 5k in scenic Mt. Washington. I haven't been up to Mt. Washington in ages -- the view really is spectacular, and it was wonderful to start and end things overlooking the city. I pushed through all the hills, despite the feeling that I was going to puke after mile one, and almost stopping to walk on the daunting McArdle ascent and made it through ok. I came in at a respectable 24:04 -- which for me is a personal record.

Still, the progress I am making feels like it's moving at snails pace. Even though speed isn't strong suit I struggle with my internal brat who throws a fit that increasing my speed isn't easier -- even though it hasn't been long since I began this shift in focus. It helps to put thing in perspective, it helps to realize that we don't always have big, long gains, that their is no perfect end result, that sometimes frustration is as vital a part of the training process as success. If this was easy, it would be easy and not as worthwhile of a pursuit. So I will stay here, and continue my work even when it feels futile, even when there are a million things I'd rather be doing, when I feel like I'm moving backwards instead of forwards. I do it because the choice is between staying static or growing, and I choose growth, no matter how messy the process.

Ascending

2009-07-20T15:14:00.003-04:00

A couple of months ago, in an attempt to train up for the Rachel Carson challenge I started climbing the stairs in the University of Pittsburgh's Cathedral of Learning. Apparently this is a popular activity for athletes of all strips, particularly in the winter months when Pittsburgh's weather ravages even the most hardy.

For those who aren't familiar the Cathedral of Learning is a gothic cathedral on Pitt's campus that houses classrooms, labs, and the like, 42 stories of fun:

Now, suffice to say the summer is not the most popular month for stair climbers, the building offers little ventilation and the conditions outside beg even the most sedentary to come out and play. Still, there is something that calls to be about the steps, the challenge of 36 flights, the sense of accomplishment when I get to the top, the sweat proliferation, perhaps a bit of pure insanity. Needless to say I, along with several like minded partners in crime, have made it a Wednesday night standing plan. While it's tough, and not the most convenient, I can feel myself getting stronger week after week.

Besides the physical, this workout has had an effect on my psyche as well, with elevators and stairs making almost nightly appearances in my dreams. I believe it's one of those situations where the act of ascending stairs connects me to a more ethereal form of ascension or growth. The practice of going up, step by step, until I reach the top and returning to the bottom just to ascend again serves as a moving meditation. Bringing myself to the Cathedral, week after week forges a connection between my body and spirit, the literal manifestation of bringing myself to a place of ascension.

Summer of Speed

2009-07-19T13:46:00.002-04:00

Though I seldom sit still I am far from speedy. Constant motion is a part of my nature, blame it on being high strung, high metabolism, an unnatural zest for life --- whatever and no matter what I can attribute it to to it is there. It's one of the reasons running comes so naturally, as a way to channel this energy and exhaust myself to a comfortable resting point. I run relatively quickly for someone of my stature but I am by no means a sprinter. Not only am I not built for it in a physical sense, my mind and will have followed suit. I just don't like to run fast.

After a successful marathon and months upon months of training I took some time off. I still run and am running, but am far from logging 30+ mile weeks. Rest is a vital part of any training program and a necessary part of the cycle. Summer being the season of the 5k, I gravitated towards running these shorter races, not out of any propensity for running them but rather out of the desire to be among my 'people'. I love the excitement of race day or evening, the nerves, the first steps into the groove, the volunteers enthusiastically handing out paper cups of water, the last push at the end, the kitschy door prizes - it all makes it worth the torment of running short and fast.

For some reason pushing myself to my limit endurance wise is an entirely different animal then pushing myself to my limit speed wise, and I'm not sure why that is, it just is. Yet, I know that as in most pursuits, the practice you most avoid is often the one that you most need, that will push you to the next level. So this summer, I have decided to focus on my speed, with the goal of shaving a minute off of my 5k PR. It's been slow going (hah!) , or slow on the uptake, one of the reasons I am writing here in an attempt to keep myself honest. Here's to a speedy rest of the summer.

Diversifying

2009-06-09T10:59:00.003-04:00

I have been away from this blog for a bit, due in part to an increased workload and in part to a break from all things running. Sometimes it's good to just take a break, rest, and regroup, and that's what I've been doing for the past month.

Coming off this marathon free of injury, it took me a lot less time to get back on the trail (or the road as the case may be). I have been logging runs of an hour or less, getting back in touch with what makes me want to run in the first place -- drops of dew resting on my eyelashes during an early morning run, the feeling of strength after a fast burst, and simply the time alone with my thoughts.

I am planning to do the Rachel Carson challenge next weekend, which is 34 miles of the Rachel Carson trail in one day. It sold out this year before I registered, so I am planning to try for stand by and hope I get in. I feel somewhat unprepared for this endeavor, I know I have the endurance but worry about my overall strength, especially when it comes to extreme uphill and downhill climbs. I started climbing the stairs at the Cathedral of Learning in preparation, which is quite the workout. I also have been trying to get out on my bike more often, in addition to the actual training hikes.

So I am planning to take the challenge as it comes, and use it as a springboard for my next endeavor. The warmth of summer brings so many possibilities, long days, sunshine, and hours to melt by the side of the pool. I plan to squeeze as much as I can from these heady, fleeting months, and come out stronger than ever.

Bouncing Back

2009-05-13T10:01:00.004-04:00

A week and a few days out from running the marathon, I'm feeling pretty much like my old self (sans heavy training that is). I was careful this time around to take it extremely easy in the hours following the marathon, as well as the days following. I did not rock an ice bath after running, a spray of cold in the shower was all I could take.

The pain has faded gradually, and I have managed a few easy runs in the past week. My body feels relatively good, I detect no signs of injury though my body is definitely in a weakened state. The biggest side effect running the marathon seems to be a sudden spike in my nervous energy. I am so used to running regularly that the sudden lack of activity has left a void. I am starting to fill it with biking, swimming, and on the home front baking and organizing. Using this recovery time to round things out.

Mentally I am evening out as well. The day after I hit a tremendous low, which also happened to me after the Atlanta marathon. I thought, the first time it happened, that it was due to the stress of traveling, not getting proper rest, but it happened the same way at home, in bed, with a significant difference in stress level. It leads me to believe that it comes from a chemical / hormonal place, which makes sense considering what builds up in the course of a marathon. I felt tremendously broken down and weepy, a sharp emotional weakness. The worst passed in a few hours but it took me, and is taking me a while to get my equilibrium back, as much as I feel good and successful, I have lost the routine and endorphins of training. I remind myself that this is as much a part of the process as all those miles I logged, and sometimes slowing down and takings easy can be as hard as putting forth my full physical effort.

I am using this time to rest, review, round out, and plan for what's next, taking the time to savor my accomplishment.

Pittsburgh Marathon '09

2009-05-08T15:27:00.002-04:00

It has been a little less than a week since I ran the Pittsburgh marathon, and I've spent it resting and recovering. I can proudly say that I accomplished my goal of a sub-four hour marathon, coming in at 3:58:02, with a smile on my face and extreme fatigue in my legs. I did it!

Marathon weekend began with a visit from one of my oldest, nearest and dearest friends Paki, who flew in for the occasion from Chicago. We went to high school together and have remained in touch since then, which includes a summer he couch surfed at my place in Atlanta which managed to strengthen our bond immeasurably. Needless to say, he's the type of guy you want around when you are pushing yourself to the limit and not quite sure what's going to happen, not only is he an excellent support system, he's also great at taking photos (coming soon to this blog).

I met up with my running buddy and her sister, who came in from LA, on Saturday morning to collect our packets and check out the expo. There's something about an expo combined with previous pre race jitters that just makes me want to shop, shop, shop. I came away with a new pair of Race Ready shorts, more GU than a reasonable person needs, and a sweet Pittsburgh marathon t-shirt. We reconveined later for a shared night before dinner -- full of tasty foraged morels, pasta, veggies, and some fancy Klondikes for dessert.

I headed to bed early that night, though my nerves did not ease me into a gentle sleep. I woke up before my alarm at 5:06 am, ready to fuel up and prepare for the day. I made Paki and I a hearty breakfast of oatmeal with raisins and toasted pecans, along with coffee and a banana to charge up my potassium stores. My best friend who ran the half met us at my place and together we made our way around the road closures to the start.

There's nothing like the prerace atmosphere -- folks collective nerves gathered together on the City streets. I felt a mixture of disbelief, excitement, and terror, was I really about to do this?

We were able to meet up with everyone we planned to - saying goodbye 10 minutes before the race start to find a place in the sea of runners. We settled into the 8:30 pace group, right in front of two women who were sponsored by Dunkin Donuts, I'm not sure how they got that gig, but it sounds like a good one to me. I contained my nervousness and tried to remain calm and focused, and before I knew it, we were off.

The race started on Smallman, in the Strip District, which is probably one of the widest streets in Pittsburgh. This made for a very smooth start as we didn't have to bob and weave through a bunch of folks to reach a comfortable pace. The group we were in seemed about right and we road the adrenaline until we got into a groove, passing through the familiar streets of Lower Lawrenceville.

After Lawrenceville and bit more of the Strip we turned into the Northside, where I live and do a good bit of training. I was thrilled to run through my 'hood, that is until I tripped over someone's errant hydration bottle and hit the pavement. Everyone around me let out a gasp (including me, I believe). Luckily it left me with a road rash and little else, I brushed myself off and continued, a little brush burn was not going to slow me down. We headed out into Manchester, which turned out to be the most desolate stretch. It was early and not an incredibly populous residential area to begin with. I turned inward and used some energy for the first major grade onto the West End Bridge.

The Southside was burgeoning with people, bands and lots of loud cheerers. The sudden flurry of activity caused me to become disoriented, and perhaps speed up, and I hit my first real low point of the race. I hung in, sucking down a Gu and just focusing on getting through. It was rough, but by the time I got to Oakland I felt better, and ready to tackle the only major hill on the course. A light rain began to fall, which I saw as a gift, cooling my way up the hill. I made it up and got a push from the accomplishment which stayed with me until Shadyside.

I met up with my friends Heather and Nat around mile 15 and picked up some more Gu, which I really needed at that point, Jess' sister met us about a quarter mile from there with more, and I happily stored it away for the tough miles ahead. Things began to get a little hazy at this point, as we both dug in and dug deep. We ran down Penn, rounding the corner in Regent Square to lots of cheers and some fab homemade signs.

We continued on, through Homewood and lot of folks cheering us on from their doorways -- I really enjoyed spectators who pumped up the jam from there cars, homespun entertainment on the fly is always appreciated. Coming up through East Liberty and into Highland Park I really began to feel the burn on my quads. I could still run, but every footfall caused me pain. I focused on just keeping going, the pain I felt was nothing to sideline me, just the natural result of the 20 miles I ran at a decent pace.

One of my favorite moments of the race was right after the Taza D'Oro party in Highland Park. There was a jazz band playing, and as I rounded the corner I heard 'It's Ellen Maddock, give it up for Ellen Maddock' which made me smile from ear to ear. I went to church growing up with one of the performers, and he not only recognized me, but called me out, hearing my name and all the applause at that point was second to none.

I kept on trucking, finally making it to Bloomfield and the downhill -- which is the promised land for many runners. I struggled, as it was downhill and I could feel the impact with every stride. I took the hill slow and steady trying to just hang on until the flats of the Strip and the finish.

I made it with the cheering on of good friends (complete with pom-poms) in Bloomfield and again at mile 25. I focused and tried to ignore the pain and before I knew it I was rounding the corner to the finish and tearing up. The crowd was simply amazing, and a huge smile broke out on my face when I saw that I was going to make it in under four hours. Amazing.

I hobbled through the exit chute, gathering sustenance and waited for Jess -- she came through not too soon after -- we got our photo taken and then went off to find our people. I was met by a group of friends and my brother, and was somewhat overwhelmed with flowers and a beautiful 26.2 necklace which was a gift from some of my nearest and dearest. After lots of hugs, changing into dry clothes and bandaging of a pretty nasty blister, I parted ways with Jess and her crew onto home, a shower, and food.

There's not much I would do to change this race experience. It was wonderful. I pushed myself pretty hard, and used everything I had, which is exactly what I set out to do. I plan on savoring the feeling of accomplishment for a good while, taking it easy, and then setting my sights on what's next. I am ready.

Janglin'

2009-04-23T13:40:00.002-04:00

A week and a few days until the big event and I'm starting to feel the tell tale signs of jangly nerves. Last time around I remember feeling incredibly fragile. I worried that at any point something random would happen and I wouldn't be able to run. I became hyper aware of the little potential dangers lurking in my everyday existence, the kind of things that if you think about too much on a regular basis can drive one batty. I traveled to Atlanta for my first race and the anxiety of forgetting something vital crept in. I was tired and keyed up at the same time, scared and excited. I spent the days prior visiting all old favorite Atlanta hangouts, the Biscuit, Piedmont Park soaking in the city and trying to stay mellow.

This time I feel less fragile and better prepared for the race before me. My senses are heightened. I find myself slipping into nervous talk and laughter often. I try and take in bits of advice and wisdom while not letting them overwhelming. I approach uneven pavement gingerly, fully aware that any misstep or fall could cause an injury to keep me out of the race.

Pre race jitters are a fact of racing -- and channeling this energy, this sense of importance, this adrenaline is a vital part of success. I am thankful to have a partner in crime this time around, someone who is feeling similarly, we are able to commiserate and sooth.

So you locals may see me bouncing off the walls (figuratively!) over the next week, and perhaps talking a mile a minute, ideating. Trust that this is all apart of the process, and will pass with the running of the marathon. I know I am ready for what's to come, just need to jangle.

April Showers

2009-04-15T10:26:00.004-04:00

The rainy Spring season is upon us, and despite some unseasonably cool temperatures I haven't had to dodge too many raindrops. It has been almost a month since I've blogged last which attribute to a generalized feeling of demoralization (injury wise) and simple fatigue. The injury that sidelined me has persisted, and though I'm on the mend I was unable to train at full capacity for the past month. I cut down on my weekly runs and eliminated speed work, continuing with shorter runs as well as my weekly long run. I feel strong, but no longer sure I can attain my goal of a sub 4-hour marathon. I plan on giving it my all, the rest is up to the gods.

In the past few weeks my running buddy and I have run our furthest distances, getting out of town to hit the 20 and 20+ milers. We ran our longest out on the Panhandle Trail, a bucolic 29 mile trail that connects to the more extensive Montour Trail. It starts in Carnegie and winds its way through small suburban towns into Weirton, WV. The terrain is relatively flat and the trail wide, perfect for running, and on the day we went we had the trail mostly to ourselves. It was a cool and sunny day, loaded up with GU and water we made our way out and back, taking in the emerging beauty of early Spring.

Training has its share of ups and downs, sometimes dizzingly so, and the long run brings all of it, calling up every bit of reserve and strength both natural and cultivated. I treasure these runs most of all, for the way the hours blend into each other, the way the landscape pulls me through, the way that a single moment means less then the sum of the whole. It reminds me why I do this, and why I love endurance. It reminds me that it's not just the marathon but these miles upon miles of road and trail that make it all worthwhile.

Derailed

2009-03-19T09:01:00.004-04:00

The ambition of my runs last week have given way to pain and given me a wake up call. Sometimes during training I get an invincible feeling, the more I am able to accomplish the more I want to do -- but there's a fine line between pushing your limits and exceeding them. I managed to exceed them and am now left with a troublesome left calf.

It's hard for me to take rest days. Once I'm in a regular groove I get used to the way running makes me feel, the chemicals, the fresh air, a sense of freedom. It's hard to stay in and just relax even though I know it's a part of the process. Too much time away and I start to spiral and lose perspective. Two days off and I feel like there is no possible way I can successfully run the marathon.

Yet, I know I am human, and there is no way for my training to always be 100% perfect -- I strive to hit my most important runs and stay healthy but things happen. Conventional wisdom dictates that it is better to be under trained than injured before a big race. I know I want to be ready to run another day so I am letting faith and patience take over.

So this evening is dedicated to ice, ibuprofen, and the joy that is 30 Rock.

On the Beaten Path

2009-03-16T09:07:00.002-04:00

Sunday morning I awoke to overcast skies and a generalized sense of dread. I knew I had to get out and run nearly three hours solo, my first long run of this particular training alone. After hiding out amongst the pillows and blankets for a while, I dragged myself to the kitchen to make coffee and grab some sustenance.

I headed back to bed to read and gather my strength. I decided it might be a good time to read an entire book -- or in lieu of that phase out for hours on end. I thought about sending out a cry for help, moments later I received a text from my running buddy which jolted me to action.

Preparing for the long run is second nature at this point, the minute I start to get dressed things come together quickly and my mind starts to get on board. Earlier in the week I decided that the Montour trail would be a good choice for this run as it's relatively flat and stretches for miles. I also figured as an out and back scenario I was much less likely to cut things short.

I drove out to the trail with a lazy resolve. I have been feeling so fatigued, I wasn't sure what was going to happen, but I figured I had to make the attempt. I strapped on my ipod, checked to make sure I was loaded down with GU and started out. The first miles were difficult -- I felt every ache and pain vividly, but after about an hour or so I got into the groove.

I managed to do 18.5 miles in just over the goal time of 2:55 -- despite feeling totally wiped out I was happy that I was able to do it on my own. I feel strong. I feel like I am pulling myself out of the hole I fell in over the past weeks. I am realizing that though life might be tedious and boring at times, it's much more rewarding when I stick to the path.

Fresh Kicks

2009-03-13T08:44:00.004-04:00

After hitting my mid-week run pretty hard core on Wednesday I decided I needed a full rest day. The fact that I was looking forward to it indicates to me that it was vitally necessary. When I got home from work I watched part of the NewsHour, which I rarely get a chance to watch these days. The national news used to make me cringe but now that Obama is President it often has the opposite effect, recession aside.

Following that I hopped in the Fit and headed to the running store. With the week I've been having I decided a little retail therapy was in order, and what better way to indulge then buying my shoes for the marathon. It was nice clear night and I zipped out to the store in record time. I travel to the 'burbs to visit this particular store because I like to support the local guy, and in Pittsburgh there aren't so many local guys.

The store was relatively unbusy and I was helped right away. It also didn't take too long because I knew exactly what I wanted -- the new model of the shoe I run in now, check em out:

Exciting, I know. These shoes have worked well for me, so I'm hoping this model doesn't let me down. After plunking down the cash for them (and a handful of Gu) I headed back home, to a warm bath, a calf massage, and a good nights sleep. Gently pulling myself up out of the hole to run another day.

Down in the Hole

2009-03-12T14:25:00.002-04:00

I've been pushing my limits. This part of training is the most physically and mentally taxing. Despite feeling strong and capable, I feel as though my spirit is taxed. I'm just tired. Yet now more than ever I need to keep going and surmount this obstacle which can be just as difficult as a physical one.

So far I've been able to stay engaged by rallying my friends and family to come out for the big event. I reviewed the course. I looked at pictures from my last marathon. I thought about what it would feel like to celebrate afterwards. This has all helped to a point, but it's really just a salve on a bigger wound.

I had been taking great care of myself. Sleeping lots, cooking and eating nutritiously, taking lots of time to relax, but something seemed to snap a week or two ago and I just felt too exhausted to keep it up. So I let things lax. I indulged in a not-caringness about a lot of things that ultimately made me feel worse. Why do we do things like this? I guess it's easy enough to retreat to an easy, comfortable, familiar place when we are under stress. I began to feel bored and resentful towards my own choice to train. Yet, when I gave in to my impulses I was left feeling worse off than when I was taking care. I suppose this is the nature of change, transformation. My decision to train and to live better doesn't remove me from my old ways of being, yet I realize that my old ways of being are no longer enough for me, they don't satisfy me. So I'm here, in between, and though things went awry for a minute I know I'll get back on track. Perhaps after a few days of healthy, care taking relaxation.

Spring Forward

2009-03-06T13:55:00.003-05:00

An extra hour of daylight is quite the blessing for someone who does the bulk of her runs in the evening hours. While I have become more accustomed to running in the darkness, I much prefer the light of day, the beauty of the sunset. I also welcome the warmth of Spring which lightens everything -- maintaining just enough chill in the air to keep things comfortable.

I still feel a tug at my motivation but the external atmosphere softens it a bit. I feel calm and resolved even through the fatigue and little aches and pains that have become more prevalent. Mysteriously I have lost my ravenous appetite even though I am still making myself eat quit a bit. I accept this as part of the process, but I'm hoping it will be brief.

This weekend I'm taking Saturday to rest, relax, and recharge before Sunday's long run. Restoring my joie de vivre so that I can remain dedicated to my training.

Motivational Drift

2009-03-05T08:58:00.002-05:00

Last Saturday my running buddy and I tackled the Spring Thaw, a 15 mile race circling the lake at North Park. Runner's have their choice of a 10, 15, or 20 mile distance which consists of 5 mile loops. Last year I ran the 20 as I was about a month closer to my marathon. The race went well, we stepped up our effort and finished in a respectable 2:08. I pushed myself the whole way through, which is something I do not usually do in a long race, but something I need to do to achieve my goal of a sub 4-hour marathon. I don't know why the effort and fatigue are surprising to me, but in this case it definitely caught me by surprise. All in all it was an excellent dry run for marathon day.

I recovered fairly quickly from the Spring Thaw, coming away with a bit of fatigue but little other pain. This indicates to me that my conditioning is on target. Mentally, though, I have begun to feel my motivation dissipating. It hasn't left entirely, but seems to be leaking from me at a slow drip. Ebb and flow. It's normal for this to happen after putting out a great effort yet I don't have the luxury of time off, this is the time of the heaviest training. So I push through. Motivation or no motivation I tell myself that I still have to get out there. I find other ways to keep going, pep talks, rewards. I remind myself that this is as vital a part of my training as the miles I put in, the drive to keep going when I feel my energy draining away.

I fantasize about a time after the marathon when I can get away and just relax, free from the demands of training. Thinking about that time helps pull me through, and reminds me that there is an end. Until then I have to give it my all and remain dedicated, using my core strength to pull myself back to the process.

Imperceptible Improvements

2009-02-26T10:19:00.003-05:00

I am in the thick, or the dirty middle, of marathon training. I am over the initial mental and physical hurdles and find most days that my commitment and energy levels are strong. I've had to make some adjustments, increasing the amount of time I sleep and the amounts that I eat in order to keep things on an even keel. I feel markedly stronger than I did the first time around, owing in part to experience and in part to the support of a dedicated running partner.

Still, even with the increase in mileage, the addition of challenging speed work, it's hard to see my progress from day to day. I feel stronger but at the same time in a sort of progressive stasis. The changes to my body, to my endurance, to my speed happen slowly and inhabiting this body it's hard to see the total effect. I pick up on little things; a slightly more pronounced calf muscle, less fatigue after a fast interval.

I am reminded that change in all aspects of life follows a similar pattern. Sometimes when you start doing something to grow, something positive, it's effects aren't immediately apparent. From one day to the next you might not feel the impact, but still you wake up every day and you do the work. In the end it comes down to faith, faith that despite how you may feel, despite the setbacks, the interference of the everyday that you are building something. The faith that one day, all of the small incremental changes will add up to something substantial. It won't be an act of luck or fate when this happens but rather the result of faith, determination, and love.

Buena Vista x 4

2009-02-12T14:58:00.006-05:00

The past few days have offered a brief reprieve from the onslaught of snow and ice of winter. I have been taking full advantage of the warmer temperatures and clear sidewalks to get in some outdoor runs. Last night I planned a trip to the gym for speed work, the only part of my training that I prefer to do on the treadmill. Walking home, however, it became apparent that not taking advantage of 60+ degree in February would be a crime, so I decided on some hill repeats close to home.

I pulled on my shorts and t-shirt soon after I got in the door, with daylight at a premium I wanted to soak in every possible minute. I strapped on my watch and my ipod and headed over a few blocks, up to one of the most daunting local hills, Buena Vista. It's an old cobblestone road connecting the flats of the Mexican War Streets with Perrysville Ave -- and also the most direct route to my best friend's house. For all the times I have travelled this road, I have only run (more aptly run / walked) up it once.

I approached the first ascent with energy and optimism. After climbing the first half of the hill at a fairly decent pace it became apparent that would not prove easy. I struggled to reach the top, and on my way down a woman stopped me, who had been walking up the hill. She commented that my running had made her feel old and out of shape, to which I replied that I was training for a marathon. She said, 'you go girl' which warmed my heart. Little encouragements certainly matter, especially when you are tackling such a large hill!

I descended the hill as night was falling in earnest taking care to not go too fast and strain my quads. I repeated this pattern three more times, each successive time making it a little less far before I had to stop and walk. The promise of a beautiful city scape on the way down kept me going towards the top even when I felt all the energy in my legs give, the oxygen deplete.

Running Buena Vista was the most challenging workout I have done thus far, and I know that the challenging workouts can be the most rewarding in the end.

House of Cards

2009-02-06T10:43:00.003-05:00

Training has begun in earnest for the Pittsburgh Marathon -- several weeks in I am starting to feel the beginnings of a routine. This time around I have a much more ambitious training plan as well as a partner to keep me honest and on task, as well as the knowledge of what it really takes to complete 26.2. Still I worry that what I'm doing is not going to be enough, that raw emotion works well to motivate me but I believe it can also be detrimental at times.

I feel like I'm building a house of cards, building layer upon layer with my training runs that can be easily collapsed with an injury, sickness. I worry if I don't run every time I possibly can that something will come up and I won't make my weekly goal. Anxiety. It's part of the building of a new routine, trusting that I will be able to accommodate the unexpected, that I can handle cogs in the works, that missing a run here or there will not mean failing to meet my goal.

So, I sit (or rather run) with this anxiety and work on building my faith in myself, fragile as I am, I have to believe this house of cards is more stable than I imagine.

Running to Read Redux

2009-01-13T16:12:00.004-05:00

The forecasted 4-8 inches of snow did not materialize this weekend, so I was able to make the drive to Fairmont with minimal stress. I arrived fairly early this year, so I was able to select from the full range of knit cap colors. I went with a nice, bright, lime green with black lettering, though it was hard to pass up the preppier blue and white striped versions. There's always next year!

Snow may have missed Fairmont but in it's place was a steady cold rain, not the kind that drenches you instantly, but rather the kind that falls almost imperceptibly until you realize you are soaked to the core. Not ideal for a 2 hour race, but at least it was warm enough to bear and there was very little ice to speak of. Due to to the conditions outside the majority of the runners stayed in the cozy warmth of the park visitor's center, creating a convivial atmosphere and an adrenaline charged humidity.

The race began at noon after a few words from the organizer. The size of the field was small enough that I was able to reach my ideal pace with a minimum of weaving, and I settled in quickly. In a half marathon I like to start slowly, taking my time and saving my energy for the second half of the race. It's nice to have gas in the tank for a strong finish.

Around mile 2 I developed a cramp, which was worrisome, but I managed to hang on and it dissipated by the 4th mile. I felt good for the rest of the race, especially around the 9th mile when my runner's high kicked into full gear. I finished with a respectable time of 1:50:49, improving on last year's time of 1:52:18 and coming in 4th in my age / gender category.

After grabbing a banana and what may be the best tasting pumpkin roll I've ever had, I headed back to my car to change into warm, dry clothes. I decided to get back on the road and back to the burgh while I was still feeling energetic (and I was craving a Dormont Dog, something not available in the hills of West Virginia).

It was a satisfying race, and a satisfying kick-off to my marathon training. There's a lot of work and a lot of miles ahead of me, but I feel ready and up for the challenge.

Run to Read - Take 2

2009-01-09T09:51:00.003-05:00

This weekend (weather permitting), I am venturing down to West Virginia for a half marathon. The half marathon is my favorite distance, enough to get into a groove but not enough to sideline training for a month.

I ran this race last year and discovered the true pleasures of a rural race. I am not one for crowds and loathe the stampede at the beginning of a well attended urban event. I prefer to run where I can keep a few people in my sights for an encouraging smile or nod but can easily set and settle into my own pace.

I remember feeling not quite prepared last year and I feel similarly this year. I think this happens as a result of not focusing on a particular race, not feeling mentally prepared. Physically I am not concerned about completing the distance though race anxiety always seeps into the mix. I will go and do my best, enjoy the long run and the time inside my head. Approach it in the spirit of preparation and cultivation, a soft jump into the full swing of marathon training.

Expansion

2009-01-02T13:40:00.006-05:00

I am not much for New Year's resolutions, though I do believe January is a good month for self cultivation and renewing one's focus. 2008 was a year of deep internal change for me. I started the year with a completely different perspective than I ended it with. I struggled this past year and while that's never something I strive for, I believe through the struggle I have learned some valuable lessons, I've become more intimate and real with myself. For this I am thankful.

Expansion. Making bigger. Growing my universe. That's what I've decided to focus on this year, a dedication to a concept that's larger than any one particular goal. I visualize a path starting from a firm grounded centered and spiraling outwards, tightly connected to my core but allowing for a wider reach, a wider scope.

Ethereal, yes, in the sense that guiding principles often are, but focused nonetheless. I have cultivated a base, of miles, of support, of knowledge and I want to go further with it, run further open myself and my heart further. Unfurl myself without becoming untethered.

The practical will come. For now I'm keeping my head in the clouds and my feet firmly on the ground.

Running in the Interior

2008-12-15T10:47:00.003-05:00

Last weekend I was itching to do a long run, I felt it was a necessity and not an option. Faced with the dilema of winters water fountainlessness, and as of yet unwillinging to break out my water holder I decided to do loops of Riverview Park. Riverview has one of the only outdoor year-round water fountains, a cold weather runners wet dream (literally).

The park's loop is 2.3 miles, so I settled in to do 4 loops. It was a cold day but there wasn't any ice on the ground, so I was able to bundle up and run just fine. I enjoyed the camaraderie of the other runners and walkers who ventured out, there is nothing like a shared experience of pain to make folks just that much friendlier.

Running a loop can be monotonous, but sometimes I find the monotony comforting -- tracing my footfalls, anticipating the hills, the curves in the road, the way the landscape changes very slightly each time around. I broke out in one lap and followed an off road trail, a diversion that was rewarded with a bright red Cardinal sighting.

Running in circles. It's an expression of frustration, futility. Sometimes, though, it's exactly what I need to connect with my interior.

Dashing through the Snow

2008-12-04T11:06:00.003-05:00

Luckily, there hasn't been much of the white stuff yet in the 'burgh, but over my birthday weekend I was treated to an unprecedented snow drop. Snow towards the end of November is not necessarily a rarity in these parts, but inches upon inches along with icy streets and sidewalks is not the norm.

I did manage to get a run in the night before the big day, running circles in the cul-de-sac on which my bed and breakfast was situated. The snow fell lightly, so I was able to maintain traction and trace patterns with my footfalls. One of the beautiful things about snow is the way it quiets the landscape, blanketing and comforting the starkness of winter, reflecting back precious sunshine.

For all of this, the practical inconveniences and dangers of snow and ice engender a great deal of anxiety for this runner. I dread it's arrival every year and am lifted when the season ends -- yet its presence is a fact of life in this region, so I try my best to welcome and consider its beauty, the quiet moments of grace.

I started this entry wanting to write about all the reflection I've been doing -- plans for the future, the neatness and not so neatness of my recent training. The Turkey Trot. And I find myself thinking and writing about snow. Snow. Maybe it's best just left at that, the metaphor for the unpredictable, dangerous beauty that is upon us, upon me. Sometimes you have no choice but to relax into the conditions around you, focus, and adapt.

Heck of a Hiatus

2008-11-17T16:13:00.002-05:00

It's been a sparse month here on the sapphic runner blog. So sparse, I haven't written (or published) a single blog in the month of November. I would love to chalk it up to some grand scheme I've been involved in, but it's more the product of the way things slip away everyday. I have also taken a bit of a break from active training which will come to end in December with the commencement of marathon training.

Trust that I have not given up running entirely, even as I do battle with my first cold of the season. Yesterday by buddy and I went out in the first sleety snow of the season for a bracing run, snaking through the encampments of many a Pittsburgh tailgater. There's an energy like no other before a game in the 'burgh, and I often like to take it as an observer rather than an active participant.

Outside of the active sphere, there's a lot to talk about, a lot going on -- but I am feeling even more introspective than usual. At the end of this week I will be turning thirty and this has churned up more than my normal amount of reflection. Hence the lack of a journal for public consumption. I hope to formulate some thoughts to mark the event, to share with the wider world but until then will most likely remain silent, contemplative.

Until then, dear readers, I invite you to do some contemplation of your own, meditation, reflection, spurred on by the darkening skies and growing chill in the air.

Oh Snap, a Cold Snap

2008-10-29T10:39:00.002-04:00

This morning I was greeted by the first flurries of the season, the type the alternate between an icy drizzle and a flake. It was barely enough snow to be noticeable, but it did provide notice that winter is on its way. As a summer loving type of gal this is the exact opposite of spotting a robin, seeing that first green bud on the tree. Soon I will need to batten down the hatches, spend more time in the warmth and artificial light of the gym.

I have not been running at all this week, mostly due to pet-sitting duties and recovery from a heavily activitied weekend. Yesterday I suited up in my warmest running clothes and headed out to the Highland Park reservoir, with the intention of doing laps. After one in the cold and dark I decided to call it quits, I could feel the tired in my spirit and the area was mostly deserted, which left me feeling fairly unsafe. I trusted my instinct and headed off to get pizza instead.

Cold weather running can be exhilarating, a triumph over the elements, acclimating and warming up despite all the bitterness mother nature doles out. It also takes more energy and fortitude, cups of coffee afterward and cozy hibernating naps. Making peace with the winter is not easy task, but the rewards are more than worth it.

Stomp the Grapes

2008-10-22T08:08:00.010-04:00

This past weekend I sojourned to Ohio for a half marathon along with three friends, all of whom were running their first race of this distance. I knew little about the area, save that the event originated at a winery and the course wound through a towpath.

We arrived in Massillon Friday night and headed out to find the all important pre-race food. We settled on an American-style place (though I suppose if it's in America, technically that is the style). I enjoyed my usual pasta and bread sticks that appeared to have spent some time in a deep fryer. The sauerkraut balls caught my eye, but I figured the night before a race is not the best time to experiment with exotic foods, especially deep fried balls of sauerkraut.

After we were sufficiently fueled for the mornings festivities we headed back to the house and relaxed. I made sure my number was pinned and my D tag affixed before retiring.

Saturday we all awoke and dressed for the morning's chill. After a quick drive over to the race start we picked up our shirts (and I dare say that that extra small was more like a large) and bounced around to keep warm until things got underway.

I like small races where there's no bobbing and weaving to reach a comfortable pace. The course started out in the vineyard and passed by several fields with animals. A group of horses started running alongside our group, almost as if they wanted to join in the fun. A less enthusiastic group of cows sat in a group and just watched us go by. I began running with Emily, but managed to separate from her after the first mile -- after the initial shot of adrenaline my body began the task of warming up in earnest. After a few miles my arch started to hurt and I worried that I would be in for a long race -- but it dissipated by the time I got to the tow path.

The course wound through the town of Navarre and into the tow path, adjacent to the Erie Canal. Running the mid part of the race was serene, at times I felt like I was the only one running, blanketed on both sides by trees holding on to half their golden leaves. My energy re surged as took in the cool air and the beauty around me.

The last part of the race re-traced the road back to the vineyard. With the aid of trusty Gu I rallied and vowed to run strong. I stripped off my long sleeve shirt for the last mile or so as I was working hard with what energy I had left. A field of sheep greeted me as I rounded the corner at the home stretch with a cacophony of tiny bells reminiscent of wind chimes. As I approached the clock I saw the time approaching 1:50 and gave it the last bit of what I had to come in just under at 1:49:54, my best half marathon time to date.

A bit dazed, I headed off to stretch and eat and wait for my fellow runners. Emily came in then Nat, both with excellent times. Cooling down fast, we put on our warm clothes and helped ourselves to some warming wine, which tasted even more delicious after two hours of running. We positioned ourselves at the finished and cheered, waiting for Rose, who bounded towards the finish singing Justin Timberlake. Re-united we shared our road stories and waited for the awards, and to my delight I place third in my age group. After all that excitement (and a few more glasses of wine), we piled in the car, headed towards a warm shower then home.

I can't wait for next year, this was one of the most enjoyable races I've ever run. Getting out of the city on a crisp fall day and running through the beauty, what could be better?

Carry Me Ohio

2008-10-16T08:09:00.002-04:00

Stomp the Grapes is fast approaching, and I have to say that I am feeling good mentally and physically about the race. This will be my fourth half marathon and I'm looking forward to getting out of town, discovering a new place, and running through a vineyard, something I have never had the pleasure of doing.

I ran the Golden Triangle Loop this morning with my running buddy, we skirted along the glossy dark rivers of Pittsburgh. The leaves have begun to fall in earnest creating red and gold coatings on the trail and the surface of the water. Running in the morning has a different tone than the evening -- the mind wakes up instead of powering down, it warms up the body for the day ahead. Running in the morning makes me feel like I lay claim to some time otherwise lost in sleep.

I will report back on the race upon my return. I plan to shift my focus to overall strength training (though I will not stop running of course) in this upcoming interim time. I want to start marathon training as healthy and strong as possible.

The Urban Adventure

2008-10-14T10:13:00.010-04:00

Variety is the spice of life. Cliche, cliche, I know but most everything is better with a touch of seasoning. In running, there are those paths that I go to time and time again. Routes that offer predictable mileage, scenery, and a reasonable expectation of safety. Sometimes it's all I want to just go on auto pilot, to use my energy to work something out instead of working to forge ahead. As I have upped by ante and started to run more each week -- I find myself seeking out the new in an effort to keep things fresh, to challenge myself, to combat staleness.

Last night I met up with my running buddy and we headed out on just such a run -- I had to make a stop in Highland Park, which took both of us out of our normal zones. I have run around the reservoir a few times but have never done anything more significant. The darkness fell early on, as it seems to do these days which added another layer of mystery. We headed down the road next to the zoo, hoping to catch a glimpse of some exotic animals, which were not able to do but we did catch quite a few whiffs. At the bottom of the hill we decided to snake around to Washington Blvd so as not to backtrack -- the only problem was getting to Washington Blvd on a pedestrian unfriendly stretch. We managed with some strategic darting and weaving through the weeds. Relatively unscathed we continued, running through grassy fields, dodging tree branches until we made to some semblance of a sidewalk and ran back into civilization.

As adults we so rarely get or make time for play, and when we do it's usually the more structured type, a softball league, Pilate's class, a circuit at the gym. Rarely do we gather our friends for a game of 'it' tag or strap on roller skates and skate up and down the street just for the sheer joy of it. Sure, there is still joy to be found in structured activities, but the fun that comes from following a whim, heading out without a destination connects to a deeper place. Playing every once in a while keeps things fresh and in the depths of training - 'it' tag anyone?

Catching Up

2008-10-08T13:07:00.003-04:00

I don't always get to blogging as much as I'd like to but I try to write as often as I'm able. Sometimes it's not even a matter of having the time to write but a matter of inspiration. Sometimes I write a post and can't figure out a good way to end it, so it ends up languishing until I decide to delete it. Focusing on running can be monotonous, especially when I am in training and actually running quite a bit.

I value the process of reflection and the passive sharing that happens with the blog, so I will write on!

These past few weeks have been all about training for my next half marathon which is only a week and a half away. The cool breezes of autumn make for perfect training weather and I am trying to run outside as much as possible until the early darkness guides me into the gym. Last night I decided to head to the South Side with my running buddy and mix things up a bit -- or doing what I like to term an Urban Adventure run. We headed down the trail for the first half, and then back down through the thick of East Carson street, the back allies of the South Side, and over the 10th Street bridge into downtown. There's something to be said for the distractions of the city scape, all the activity, lights, smells, and sounds, as much as I enjoy the peacefulness of the trail.

I have been able to run enough to allay my race panic, the feeling I get that I won't be able to finish a race or that if I do it will be exceedingly difficult. I feel strong and well prepared. The shift in seasons has caused me draw on my internal strength and in turn pour that into my training. As much as I loathe the cold and dark, I know that it is well within my power to make things better for myself, to use my discomfort as a motivator instead of a minimizer - and that makes all the difference.

Great Running

2008-09-30T15:39:00.004-04:00

The Great Race went well -- I pulled out a personal record and ran faster than I usually do in a 5k. Not too shabby. The weather held out, staying cool and overcast, perfect conditions for a race.

As much as I enjoy racing, and I do, the excitement of it all, the adrenaline rushing through my veins, pushing myself and communing with my fellow runners sometimes the best runs I have are solo. Friday evening I had one of those optimal runs, I set out after work with the goal of getting in 6 miles. I felt antsy. I had been feeling the effects of particularly virulent pms along with a pretty dismal state of the union. I needed a release and there is none better than lacing up and hitting the trail. So that I did, and upon hitting said trail it the sky opened up and it began to rain lightly. I kept running, wiping rain water from my face every so often, squinting through the drops and enjoying their cooling effect. There were very few other souls on the trail and a the air had that pleasant ozoney smell I associate with childhood. I ran up onto Herr's Island, where some of the trees had been cleared recently, so I had a wonderful open view of the river. Wondrous. Time was short, or likely I would have extended my run for hours, or as long as the light held out.

I love running with friends, my regular running buddy, it pushes me and motivates me to do better, to hang on when I feel like quitting. But when I need to overcome the negative in me, rough emotions, there is nothing better than a realigning solo run.

The Best Laid Plans

2008-09-25T10:00:00.003-04:00

I had every intention of getting up at the crack of dawn and going out for a run. No really, I did. Unfortunately my '5 more minutes' turned into 30, and I missed my morning window of opportunity. I plan to try again tomorrow with the knowledge that I need to wake up immediately. It's hard to change habits, especially when it comes to the precious sleep cycle -- but I've decided to try for the sake of more training flexibility. I buoyed myself with thoughts of experiencing a new part of the day, discovering what happens when I am usually asleep, watching the sunrise. If all else fails I figure waking that early will make my coffee taste even better.

Last night I went out with my running buddy for a pleasant run up Stanton. I am trying to work the more hills into my training in preparation for Stomp the Grapes, and Stanton is a good one for a slow, steady climb. As much as I am resistant to Fall's early nightfall I have to admit the temperature is optimal for running. We finished the run as the darkness was descending and headed over to Dozen Cupcakes for a $1 cupcake -- the perfect ending to any workout.

Sunday's Great Race is approaching fast, and I feel prepared if unsure if my time with improve. It's hard to predict how any race will go beyond a general sense, I am hoping to pleasantly surprise myself.

What I Talk About When I Talk About Running

2008-09-22T11:03:00.005-04:00

This weekend I finished the aforementioned memoir by Haruki Murakami, a book that details his relationship with running and in turn writing. It took me a while to get into the book, largely due to his writing style which I was unfamiliar with and the fact that the book was translated from Japanese. I began the book with expectation that I would relate to it and the author whole heartedly, the reality was a bit more subtle.

Murakami weaves together his running 'history' from the point of various races, his first marathon, an ultra-marathon, the NYC marathon, the last one he ran before the memoir's publication. He talks about his practice, how he trains, and how it balances him. He talks about the solitary nature of distance running and what makes him suited for it, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

He stresses the non-competitive nature of the sport with the vast majority of runners competing only against themselves. His aversion to team sports struck a chord with me, as I have long preferred the solitary sports. Perhaps it's a natural outgrowth of my introversion that I am motivated internally rather than externally, that I prefer to draw from within myself rather than collect and coordinate with those around me. This does not preclude a camaraderie with fellow runners and racers -- something that Murakami touches on.

The further I got into the memoir, the more I got into it, mirroring the process of warming up and hitting stride. Hard to tell if he planned it this way, but the analogy still stands. I really got a sense of his quiet resolve both to run and write, and what it took in him to continue these things. He emphasized that you can't convince someone to take up either, it's either something that suits you or it doesn't -- as I feel, I would never encourage someone to run who did not have the inclination. The drive to run is one that I got in touch with relatively recently -- once I tapped into it I realized that it was something that helped me thrive, helped me even out my edges frayed by the stress of day to day existence. I don't always feel like getting out there, day after day, but after I do I always feel better. It has become an integral part of my routine, my rhythm.

To those of you who are runners out there, I highly recommend this book, once you get warmed up, it's smooth sailing. If you are not a runner, it's hard to say you'll get much from it, unless you are engaged in some sort of long distance pursuit in your life. In the end, isn't running just a metaphor for life? I suppose this blog lays testament to that, at least on some days.

Morning Glory

2008-09-18T15:14:00.007-04:00

I am not a morning person, at least not an early morning person. I am more of a 10-10 woman peaking neither early nor late. This morning I broke from my usual routine to do an early run for my running buddy's birthday. I can think of no better way to start off a celebration of birth so I decided to join her in greeting the dawn.

I woke up around 5:45, stumbled into my running gear sleepily and headed out the door. Traffic was light at that hour and I made good time. I stopped in for a bit of pre-run coffee, even a little caffeine can make the difference between grumpy and pleasant in the early morning hours.

We drove to the post run rendezvous point and set out, the darkness was a sort of translucent inky blue. There was another pair of runners ahead of us for bit, but they turned off at a bridge and we seemed to be the only souls out at that point. I shook off my sleepy fog after about a mile and we continued on at decent clip into downtown, the sun rose almost imperceptibly. Running opposite of my normal route to work, opposite my normal time was energizing and the cool September morning air kept things fresh.

From town we headed back, up the Northshore trail and over the 40th street bridge, passing the thick commuter traffic. We ended the run at our breakfast spot -- calm and content.

I have never been a morning runner, running early only if a race start necessitated it, or when I needed to get a long training run in on a weekend. Yet, I can see the beauty of starting the day this way, so I plan on doing so again. I may never make it a part of my routine, but every so often a change of perspective is quite welcome.

Golden Delicious

2008-09-16T14:28:00.005-04:00

Last night I got back on my bike for the first time since the accident and it felt great. I rode my old bike as my new one is still in the shop, taking a leisurely ride with my friend Heather done one side of the Allegheny and back the other. I still feel hyper vigilant and am easily startled but the act of riding feels right, delicious even.

Fall makes for getting down to business, a mood of easy diligence not yet ravaged by the cold and monotony of winter. Now that I feel physically back to normal, I've put my energies toward working on my speed for the upcoming Great Race and transitioning that into a strong half marathon. I opted to not do a long run this past weekend, running a mid distance with some tempo and easing back into things with my regular running buddy.

Things feel even and peaceful, settling down after disruption as I embrace the relaxed intensity of early Fall.

One Half Down

2008-09-09T15:01:00.003-04:00

I am happy to report that the Ikea half marathon went well, and I finished in a respectable 1:57:29. I've run three half marathons, and this race was in the middle time wise, which I am quite comfortable with. With my unexpected training hiatus I was nervous about how I would feel and held back a little, which enabled me to sail through the last few miles and even sprint over the finish (which is rare for me, even in a 5k). It bodes well, and I'm happy I pulled it out, now on to training for Stomp the Grapes which promises to be a much more challenging race.

The leaves are falling and a chill is creeping into the air, fall will be upon us in a few weeks. The cooler weather makes for some ideal running conditions. I enjoy autumn, and this particular season holds a milestone for me, my 30th birthday. I feel like I'm coming into a home stretch of sorts as the heat of summer burns off, the darkness falls earlier and earlier. A lot has been going on in my head in regards to this transition between my 20's and 30's -- I am looking forward to welcoming a new decade of life and all that it signifies and brings.

In the short term I'm training up for the Great Race -- which qualifies as the race of the year in Pittsburgh. I am not so much a fan of huge races, especially when it comes to the beginning shuffle, but I am looking forward to running it. As long as I remain healthy, I am hopeful that I can shave off some time and descend into Point State Park triumphant!

Back in the Swing

2008-09-05T15:26:00.002-04:00

Forgive me for my pause from the blog-o-sphere, it has taken me a while to get back into the swing of things after being unwittingly knocked off my routine. I am feeling back on top of things this week after a long, hot, Memorial Day run and some shorter more intense runs during the week. Tomorrow brings the Ikea half, I'm not aiming for any personal records, just a nice solid race.

The night before a race I always try and take it easy and eat lots of carbohydrates. Release as much nervousness as possible. My first ever race I ran with my good friend Richard, he came up from Virginia to run with me and we walked to the Italian restaurant in my neighborhood the night before. Normally wine drinkers, we had our fill of water and I feasted on some particularly tasty fish. The night before my first half marathon my friend Paki and I chowed down on some simple pasta and sauce which fueled me well the next day. Pre marathon a pizza and pretzels from the Mellow Mushroom fit the bill, along with over sized cups of sweet tea --- the Southern route to glyco-loading.

Tonight I plan on creating something from the veggies taking up residence in my refrigerator, along with some smoked cheese and pasta, perhaps some garlic bread. Quelling my nerves with carbs.

On the Mend

2008-08-28T09:24:00.004-04:00

My bike accident injuries have been healing, and every day my shoulder feels a little bit better. It will be a while before I can do a push up or a good butterfly stroke, but I'm hopeful that a bit of a running swing will be just fine. I plan on trying a mid distance run this evening and seeing how things feel.

One of the worst parts of being involved in an accident is the sensation of disappearing freedom, the mental aspect of recovery, and the intimate knowledge of what can go wrong. I pride myself on being a tough cookie, a tenacious character -- with a healthy dose of caution and respect for the dangers that are out there. Truth is though, there is always a risk when you go out into the world, and we can't control every circumstance, those around us. You can do everything right and still end up at the wrong end of someone's front hood. It's scary.

So this sapphic runner is taking it easy, and hoping with some time and distance I will regain a sense of confidence peppered with caution and get back on the bike. I was knocked down but not out.

Hitting the Road (Literally)

2008-08-25T11:08:00.002-04:00

I have had a little unexpected hiatus from this blog, and some days off from my regularly scheduled training. Tuesday night I was in a bike accident, which landed me on the road and with a sprained shoulder and some bumps and bruises. Luckily my injuries were fairly minor and I'm on the mend. The bike has some bent rim issues which I need to get repaired, I'm not in any rush to get back to riding so I'm not stressing about it.

I managed to run the Run Around the Square this weekend, and performed decently despite my relatively immobilized shoulder. Last year I was recovering from a bad cold and a fever and decided to go ahead and run it -- I am hoping this curse does not continue! I was accompanied by some good friends and ran unscathed, I was more worried about being bumped into than the running itself.

So, I've been focusing on recuperation and taking it easy which has made a little stir crazy. Regular exercise centers me and after a few days off I begin to feel untethered. I am hopeful that I'll at least be able to run comfortably by the weeks end and hopefully still participate in the Ikea half.

All in all though, I am grateful for my friends / family and all the support I received post accident, and grateful that my injuries are minor. Accidents shake things up, and remind us of how fragile we really are, how much is beyond our control, how we really don't know what will happen from minute to minute, hour to hour. In the week since, I've become much more aware of my surroundings, the trauma has heightened my senses. I hope to return to riding, once I'm healed and my bike is repaired, because more than anything I do not want to be ruled by fear. It may take me a while to get my confidence back, but I hope to do it, one day at a time.

Strength

2008-08-18T13:08:00.005-04:00

Watching the Olympic women's marathon on Sunday got me pumped, there is something so amazing and awe inspiring in watching athletes compete at the top of their game. The race presents a culmination of speed, endurance, fortitude, and will. Years of training coming together in one moment, demonstrating the pinnacle of human capacity. The Olympics stirs something elemental in us, gives us a sense of pride, of country, of being human. A ritual that reminds us that we as a species have what it takes to survive, to adapt, to compete on a physical level.

A clear front runner emerged in the women's marathon, Constantina Tomescu-Ditantina of Romania, and she went on to win the event. When she took off and separated from the pack I though she would crash and burn, how could she maintain a pace so much faster than the other competitors? She took a risk. She had employed this method before and fallen out. But she held on and emerged victorious.

I am not a big risk taker when it comes to running -- I like to get to my comfort zone and maintain my pace. I worry about falling out, coming up short, or even risking injury. I am not so much concerned with 'winning' as with improving on my times and becoming a stronger runner overall. I think it would serve me well to push those limits every once in while, to expand my idea of what I'm capable of -- to remind myself of just how adaptable we humans are.

Smooth Sailing

2008-08-14T09:55:00.002-04:00

I finally got around to taking my new wheels for a more substantial ride last night, and I was greatly pleased. There is definitely something to having a bike that fits perfectly, it may not have made tackling Pittsburgh's hills and grades any easier, but it made for a smooth and satisfying ride.

Barbara and I rode up to the reservoir in Highland park, riding once around and heading back through some uncharted territory. One of my favorite long runs during marathon training was up Stanton Ave, around the reservoir once or twice, then down to another city park and back. I enjoy biking, and its benefits to my overall fitness, but I found myself craving a run, the grounding of two feet on the pavement.

These past few weeks I've settled into a more rigorous routine and am enjoying both running more and feeling of gaining strength. I plan to focus even more when I start training for the Pittsburgh Marathon, no longer a novice I hope to shave some time off, aiming for a sub 4:00. Until then, I am enjoying the winding down days of summer and my new bike.

Bike Baby

2008-08-11T11:34:00.001-04:00

I finally took the plunge and bought a new bike, a Trek hybrid. I took my first ride yesterday morning and discovered that my front brake has a squeak problem, so after I get that tuned up I plan on breaking her in well. This bike is a lot lighter than the one I have been riding, and the shifting and quick, I can't wait to get out on the trails.

Speaking of trails, I spent quite a bit of time on them this weekend sans two wheels. Pittsburgh's weather has formed a sort of summer / fall hybrid which is ideal for running. Friday I was full of energy and decided to hit North Park for a quick five mile loop and managed around an 8 minute mile the whole way. Speed work of a sort.

Sunday I planned for a long run, originally setting my sights on the Montour Trail. One of the main highlights of said trail is it's proximity to Ikea, and a post-run cinnamon roll from the Ikea cafe (one of my favorite treats). Unfortunately, construction season in Pittsburgh made it likely that I would spend a good bit of time sitting in traffic and I decided to scale back and run local. I settled on a Lawrenceville loop, running along the North Shore trail out to the 62nd Street bridge then back into town on the city streets. I ran at a leisurely pace, stopping once to fuel up on chocolate gu left over from last year (note to self: buy more gu). The loop took me a little under two hours, and I capped it off with the remnants of a pint of Chunky Monkey and an episode of the Wire. Good times. This week I plan on some more speed work to prepare for the Run Around the Square and some shorter runs around town.

Running Olympic Style

2008-08-08T09:16:00.004-04:00

The Olympics begin today and I'm excited at the prospect of watching weeks of the world's top athletes competing. This time around I am especially thrilled to take in the women's marathon. As a relatively new spectator to the sport I have decided to familiarize myself with the athletes, and in doing so have found out that one of the top contenders, Japan's Mizuki Noguchi, is a petite lady like myself, check her out:

She is expected to take home the gold again this year, and I'm pulling for her. Often I feel like my size is a disadvantage, that I just can't go as far with my shorter strides. Seeing Noguchi out there, top in her field, makes me realize that these 'disadvantages' are not determinative. I may never be, or strive to be an Olympic class athlete -- but it helps motivate me to see that someone with a similar build to myself excelling at that level.

The women's marathon takes place in Beijing on Sunday morning, August 17th, airing on the East Coast on Saturday night. This Sapphic Runner will be watching, perhaps accompanied by some marathon themed treats (grape leaves?)

Need for Speed

2008-08-06T10:47:00.003-04:00

Speedwork is my least favorite part of training. Last summer I would drive over to the track with a sense of dread, do a few warm up laps, then do speed intervals until I was fatigued (which often was more of a mental than a physical condition). Getting in the zone and running for hours appeals to me, fast stops and starts not so much. I often joked that I needed a coach to get me through any workout involving the track.

Last night I sidled up to the treadmill for my first speed workout in a long while. Beyond my natural resistance to speeding up, I did not want to aggravate or worsen my knee issues. Feeling strong this week and with a 5k in two weeks I knew it was time.

I ran an easy mile before jumping in and started my first interval at about a 8 minute pace. After getting more comfortable, I lowered my pace gradually and managed to maintain a 7 minute pace towards the end. It was challenging but it felt good to run hard and expend all my extra nervous energy. Sweating in the AC felt wonderful in this instance.

Sprinting may never be my first love but I do love the feeling of growing stronger and faster. With each success, the coach in my head gets me to go further and faster and embrace that need for speed. After all, it's fast and steady that wins the race.

Back in the Shoes

2008-08-04T09:28:00.003-04:00

I laced up my old New Balance and hit the trail and the road this weekend, getting on with my training in earnest. My knee gave me no trouble at all, through some pretty intense conditions so I am feeling more and more confident (and ready to kick it up a notch!).

Thursday night I went out with my running buddy on what I deem the, 'Golden Triangle Loop', starting in the Northside, into downtown at the Point, along the Allegheny to the Strip and back along the North Shore trail. We set off on a path I travel often and over the Fort Duquesne bridge sun glinting off the rivers, the Point's fountain on the horizon. Turning towards the Strip, we ran along the river, as close as you can get to the bank on the city trails and continued on passing the site of the now quasi-famous goose attack of 2008. Luckily, the geese were no where near this spot and we ran by unscathed. We turned up across one of the vast Strip parking lots and headed over the 16th Street bridge at which point the humidity caught up with us and we both were wishing for water. The lack of water fountains on the trail always gets me, especially in the thick of the summer heat. We soldiered on and made it back sweaty and pseudo triumphant.

Saturday I went for a long run, completing 10 miles at the North Park loop, 8 of which with my best friend who is heading across the pond for a few weeks. Sunday I did a recovery run, four easy miles with my pal Leslie, which we actually did at a pretty fast pace. Despite a bit of after burn in my quad muscles, all the running this weekend felt great, and I was even able to enjoy a bike ride out towards Hartwood acres. I find myself wishing I could bottle this part of summer, long, sunny, warm days, sans oppressive heat and humidity and filled with activity. Barring the stoppage of time I plan on getting the most out of this August and training up for some Fall racing. This Sapphic runner is back and ready for what's next.

Competitive Instinct

2008-07-30T14:43:00.002-04:00

I have dug into my training this past week and am already feeling stronger. So far I have committed to running 4 days a week, with no particular mileage goals - I figure that once I get back in a regular rhythm I can ramp up my distance and intensity.

Last night I went out on one of my favorite routes -- around Herr's Island, it was a pleasant enough evening if a little hot. I started out feeling great but faded quickly once I got to the trail and it turned into a benchmarking run. Half way through I was calculating how long it would take me to get back to relax and shower and get on with my even.

I much prefer runs where I can phase out, fade into my surrounds, and let my mind wander. Yet I do not always have control over how I'm feeling, as with everything in life sometimes you just have to hunker down and do what you have to do. Towards the end of the run, when the heat and effort had turned my face an interesting shade of purple and my energy was seriously flagging, I caught site of another runner, dressed in all in white. He was running at a faster pace, so I decided that I would 'chase' him and kept him in my sights. I never did catch up to him, but the thrill of the chase kept me engaged enough to complete my run. Reminding me that sometimes the competitive drive can help you win the mental war despite who is faster in the end.

Corn of Summer

2008-07-29T13:13:00.003-04:00

I know it may be hard to believe but running is not my only passion, in fact it's a relatively new one (though I have embraced it whole heartedly). Sometimes turning all my attention to the physical makes me feel like a stranger in a strange land, a nerd at heart that wants to roll with the jocks but finds herself dramatically out of place. Of course, that is not to say that people fit so neatly into boxes of one or the other but more so that there are certain cultures associated with different pursuits and sometimes I feel as though I am learning a new language.

But I digress.

Summer's land of plenty produce has ignited one of my other passions. Food. Preparation, consumption, hunting and gathering (at the market), all of it. The briny fresh dirt smell of a perfectly ripened tomato, the pop of fresh sweet corn kernel, pesto rendered from the tender leaves of a basil plant, the foods of summer are a sort of consumable sunshine. Ehrrin introduced me to one of my new favorites, which I have deemed 'goopy' corn, perhaps more aptly known as Mexican street corn. It is corn, slathered with some sort of goo (crema, mayo, sour cream), rolled in cheese, sprinkled with spicy powder of some sort and served with a wedge of lime. Simply delicious. And a new obsession of mine, so much so that the corn supply around casa deSapphic runner have dried up. A situation that must be remedied post haste.

And, what could be a better post run snack than a hot, gooey, ear of corn. Perhaps not so much, better to stick with the tried and true and quintessentially summer Italian ice.

Chilling Out

2008-07-25T10:54:00.003-04:00

Transitioning from the lazy days of summer to training has left this sapphic runner a bit tired. I biked last night, and while enjoyable, I realized that hitting the physical activity every night can leave me cranky and worn out. I think I can balance this by spending more time floating in the pool and sipping a frosty beverage.

Someone who is not lazing around right now is my good friend Nat, who is off in Long Beach competing in the National Dragon Boat races with Philadelphia's Schuykill Dragons. I am proud of her and hope they are reeling in the wins. Go Nat!

I plan on a good 5-miler this evening to jump start the weekend, and lots of relaxing after that. It's all about balance after all, eh?

Putting the Run in Sapphic Runner

2008-07-23T10:04:00.002-04:00

It has been a while since I've done any sort of serious training or running -- I have been enjoying biking, the pool, and the generally laziness of summer. I told myself I would begin my training for the half marathon this weekend which did not happen and Monday I started to panic a bit about it.

To quell the anxiety, I decided to do a long run, heading out from my place over to the South Side, to the South Side Works, across the Hot Metal Bridge and back to town via the Eliza Furnace trail -- here is a link to the the route on Google pedometer, for those who are curious.

Thanks to a passing thunderstorm earlier in the day, the air was cool and the sun was not incredibly brutal. I armed myself with a bottle of water and some funds in case I deemed some sort of sports beverage necessary. I started out strong, feeling well, coasting across the Allegheny and then the Monongahela rivers with relative ease. Heading out along the South Side trail I began to feel fatigue set in, I worried that my route was too ambitious and decided on a shorter alternative and to keep going for a bit. When I reached the point to turn around, I decided to stick with original plan, not wanting to give up on my first longer run of my training.

At the South Side works I popped into REI for a water bottle top off and a shot of air conditioning then continued down the trail towards town. Luckily the sun had disappeared in an overcast haze so the relatively shade free surface was bearable, almost pleasant. When I got into town I decided to head over the Fort Duquesne bridge back to the North Side and end my run with a dip in the water steps. Nothing feels quite as wonderful after a long, sweaty run as wading into cool running water. I relaxed for a minute and walked the rest of the way home, content that I was on my way to a successful half marathon. 8 miles down, hundreds more to go!

Smile Power

2008-07-21T11:20:00.002-04:00

This Sunday I headed over to the North Shore to watch the triathletes and adventure racers on the very last leg of their journeys. Originally I intended to get up early so that I could watch the swimmers, but after a late night of dancing I was not able to rally myself until about 9:30. After starting over on foot, coffee in hand, I decided it was taking too long and I hopped on the bike sacrificing caffeine consumption for speed.

I parked my bike at PNC park, not wanting to interfere with the runners and continued on foot. As I walked I passed several athletes on the last leg of their journey. Some looked strong, and others had the look of determination mingled with fatigue that I know quite well. I smiled at one women and she waved, and I remembered how much something as simple as a smile and an encouraging word can help. I always appreciate the fans at a race, but until my marathon I did not know how vital they can be to getting you through and keeping spirits up. People on the sidelines remind us, as we much ourselves to the max that they are there to support and hold us up -- celebrating the beauty in human endurance, strength and spirit.

I plopped myself on the hill and watched folks come in to the finish. I talked to a man who completed the triathlon, his third, and he inspired me to take one on. I am not so sure that I will conquer Pittsburgh, as swimming in the Allegheny river leaves a bit to be desired -- but in the next year or two I want to take on this challenge. Fortified with a good deal of training and a touch of smile power to get me through.

Bikes, Bikes, Everywhere

2008-07-18T15:23:00.002-04:00

The brain works in some interesting ways, like when you learn a new word and suddenly notice it everywhere, people using something you previously were not aware of seemingly all the time. You wonder to yourself, how did I not know this before? Our world shoots so much information our way we can only deal with a slice of it -- we feel fully aware but we could never truly take all aspects of a situation in. I appreciate this filter, because it allows us to constantly discover things, things that may have 'been there' all the time.

I am noticing, suddenly, all the bikes in town, in the neighborhood, my neighbors bikes in the hallway. I have been observing the size, shape, make of the bikes that rush past me, the bikes that are haphazardly chained to parking meters. I size up riders and situations. Gathering information.

With my relatively small budget, I know that I won't get a top of the line super fast machine, it is mind boggling how expensive really good bikes can be, and I'm sure they are worth it for the money. Thankfully there are some bikes in my range that will suit my needs just fine, and I hope to get out and compare this weekend. I am looking forward to hitting the open road with a dash more speed.

Poolside Living Easy

2008-07-16T10:12:00.002-04:00

The past few evenings I have made it up to the local pool for some much needed relaxation time. Monday night I swam a few leisurely laps and then sprawled out in the waning evening sun with my Runner's World. Last night I went with my best friend's son, quite possibly the most energetic four year old out there (or close to). We had a good time racing and swimming across the pool while his mother got a little solo run time in. Playing with him reminded me of how much fun it can be to just let go and have a good time, something I can easily lose sight of when I spend so much time in my head.

July provides a good backdrop for relaxation and I'm determined to relax to the fullest. Training for the marathon increased my awareness of what my body needs to perform at its best, and part of that involves recovery and restoration. Sleeping longer, eating more, quieting down and listening to my inner voice.

Next week I plan on picking up my training in earnest for the half marathon, though I plan on taking things easy as the summer dictates, taking in the vibrancy around me. This weekend brings the Pittsburgh Triathlon and Adventure Race, which I plan to watch and gather inspiration. Spending some time on the other end of the race, coffee in hand, watching other athletes give it their all.

Sapphic Bridge Bikers

2008-07-14T11:07:00.003-04:00

This weekend was full of cycling, which seems to be a mid-summer theme. The more confident I get on the bike the more I want to be out and about, enjoying the beautiful weather and neighborhoods of Pittsburgh.

Last Friday I biked to work for the first time, taking an easy round about route home and back. It made me realize how nasty exhaust coupled with heat beating off the asphalt can be. Saturday I met up with pal Barbara for a 'bridge tour' of Pittsburgh. We started out just shy of the 31st street bridge, which I had crossed to meet her, so we began the tour with the 16th and kept on going. We crossed the familiar 9th, 7th, and 6th street bridges, which I traverse often walking back and forth to work -- then headed across the newly re-opened Fort Duquesne bridge. At this point it was off to uncharted territory with a trip across the West End Bridge which seemed incredibly daunting. Gathering up my gumption I made it across, using my twinges of fear to propel myself forward. From this point we headed down Carson Street gathering a good deal of road grit along the way and headed over the Smithfield Street bridge, to the bike rental station and a cool drink.

Hydrated, we headed up 2nd Ave to the 10th street bridge, coasting down the South Side trail over to Hot Metal. We decided to skip the Birmingham Bridge which involved a back track through town. From the South Side we continued down 2nd Ave, through Hazelwood and over to the Glenwood Bridge -- Barbara paused to snap a picture of Dyke street along the way. From the Glenwood we headed out into Homestead and across the Homestead High Level Bridge. When we reached the end we stopped again to re-group, sticky, hot and dirty and prepared ourselves for the climb towards Squirrel Hill. I dug in and used what energy reserves I had left to get myself up the hill -- we made it, and refreshed ourselves with an iced coffee and an air conditioned sit down before heading home.

It was quite a ride. Beat but satisfied, I've decided to take a day or two off of riding and relax by the pool, soak up the sun in a less active way. Nothing sounds better than an evening at the pool with a good book and nice cool drink.

Foglifter

2008-07-10T11:29:00.002-04:00

When I was in college in Atlanta I used to go to coffee shops to study. They afforded me just the right balance of quiet and activity to focus, and the access to caffeine certainly kept me going. One particular shop, in the Virginia Highlands, had a beverage called the fog lifter, that I remember vividly -- it consisted of coffee, espresso, steamed milk, and caramel syrup showcased in a clear Irish coffee style mug. I went to this particular shop when I was going through a very solitary period in my life, and getting out 'in public' kept me plodding along. I can still taste the way the sweetness of the caramel mingled with the bitter espresso on the back of my tongue, the astringent after taste, pages upon pages of notes on English Lit before 1660 sprawled out in front of me. Sunlight, a constant in Atlanta, streamed through the windows calming me to the extent possible in those days.

This memory came back to me so vividly because I feel I am at a fog lifting juncture. My solitary pursuit has changed from literature study to running -- but the rough feelings are the same. Last night, running a 5-mile loop, solo, in the sun, amongst people but not with them I realized how fortifying this can be, time in my own head doing something I love. In all the sweetness and bitterness of the past months, I feel the fog beginning to lift, a new optimism taking hold.

Recommendations

2008-07-08T13:28:00.002-04:00

After all the riding I did over the weekend I'm feeling the twinge to get a new bike. I've put my preliminary feelers out onto the internets and am overwhelmed by the choices. Now, the fact that I don't have an exorbitant amount of money to spend on said bike should narrow things down a bit, but I'm still not sure of the best options for me. A road bike? Hybrid? Tri? Eeek.

Ideally I'd like something designed for my small frame, a woman's bike that I can ride on the trail and the road. A bike that could work for a triathlon, but need not be a state-of-the art type competitive number. I see a lot of long rides in my future so I'd also like a bike that will be comfortable going the distance.

So, if any of you dear readers have any suggestions for me I would be much obliged (or happen to have nice used bike you want to sell me that will fit the bill!)

Bike of July Weekend

2008-07-07T14:17:00.005-04:00

The Fourth of July weekend I got back on to two wheels, taking advantage of some clear days or at least clear patches. The humidity of mid-summer often gives way to afternoon showers, pleasant in their own right but not always conducive to a leisurely bike ride.

Saturday morning I rode over to the Firehouse Farmer's market in the strip, to meet up with Ehrrin for the first time in weeks and round out my selection of produce. After getting our fill of the market we headed over to 21st Street for our weekly cup, catching up with Liz and Emily who always keep me laughing.

Saturday afternoon I met up with some pals for one of my favorite trail rides to the Southside, complete with a rest stop at Rita's Italian Ice --- fueling ourselves with fruit ice and frozen custard for the riverside journey.

Barbara and I headed out Sunday morning for a longer trail ride along the Montour Trail. I ran on this trail several times last year while training for my first half marathon, so I was somewhat familiar with the terrain. We started out with a quasi-ambitious goal of 30 miles, and quickly felt what the tired-ness of previous days of cycling. Cutting it short to 20, we realized on the way back that some of the fatigue we were feeling was the result of the trails incline, which made the ride back all the more pleasant. The surroundings were lush, but the traffic on the trail made it a bit less desirable than the Boston trail. It is still a good bet for a long ride closer into town (and when you want to work in a trip to Ikea...).

Sunday afternoon I was eagerly anticipating the Underground Railroad bike tour, and event held in conjunction with Bike Fest. Unfortunately, it looked as though the weather was not going to cooperate, as I prepared to leave rain drops seemed to be pounding sideways, not the best conditions for a ride. The rain cleared, close to the start time, and I stewed a bit until I heard that folks were still gathered, at which point I hopped on my bike and road over to join them. The rain started up again and things looked a little grim, but we huddled around and learned a good bit about the connection of Allegheny County to the Underground Railroad. The sky cleared and we all set out on the tour, through the North Side and into Downtown, stopping at sites along the way for history lessons. This event was put on by the Pittsburgh Major Taylor Cycling Club, who offer several rides throughout the week, and anticipate organizing a ride along the Underground Railroad bike route next year. Riding and learning appeals to me, as I move my body I feel more open and connected to the world around me -- so combining of the two makes for a satisfying experience.

So there was my weekend of diverse rides and getting back into the bike. Tonight I plan on dusting off my running shoes and hitting the rain cooled trail. As much as I enjoy bicycling, I crave the feeling of my soles hitting the gravel.

Western Penn and the Joys of Summer

2008-07-03T10:41:00.003-04:00

Last night my running buddy and I took of on the riverfront trail 'detour' to the scenic Western Penitentiary. Due to casino construction, the path the connected the riverfront trails has been cut in two making a detour necessary. We headed out from my place and along the official detour route, enjoying some of the Manchester streets and homes that I don't often venture towards. Seeing the neighborhood through a new pair of eyes is refreshing, so often we become accustomed to our surroundings -- turning off to new discoveries so as not to overload our senses.

Catching up with the Ohio River, we continued on through swarms and swarms of gnats, assorted tiny birds, and clumps of purple wildflowers. Approaching the prison, we heard what sounded like tennis balls bouncing against walls and realized the inmates were out in the yard (heavily guarded by barbed wire mind you) for their evening recreation. Western Penitentiary is a desolate place, most of the old prison has fallen into disrepair, though there are some signs of life, a place to fish and folks out on bikes, the oddly comforting sounds of prisoners enjoying time in the fresh air.

We ran back and over past the Aviary, visiting with several of the outdoor birds on the way. Though I'm still feeling the fatigue from a few weeks of travel, I felt strong on the run. Looking forward I'm considering the Ikea Half Marathon in September to get me motivated, it's in early September which gives me plenty of time to rest up before the Stomp the Grapes Half.

I topped off my summer evening by slicing into my first tomato of the season, red and ripe from my farm share, I topped it simply with a drizzle of olive oil, fine sea salt, and a pinch of basil from my window plant. Summer on a plate. And a reminder that sometimes the most simple and basic things are the most satisfying.

Fireflies

2008-07-01T15:07:00.002-04:00

Back in the 'burgh and I'm glad to be home, sometimes the best part of traveling is coming home to the familiar after inserting oneself into another landscape, another context. Visiting the big city can have have a jarring effect on me, building after building, concrete and glass, people as far as the eye can see. I find myself searching out the natural, the respite from it all that make cities function more healthily. Paki and I took a long walk along Lake Michigan, out onto a pier which held only one other human soul and lot of birds. So close to the power of the lake and so close to the pulse of the city it was rejuvenating.

Something has shifted in me, or perhaps more aptly a part of myself has been uncovered and developed. I have always leaned towards the internal and I find that in dedicating so much time to running I have gotten in touch in a deeper way with my natural rhythms and and the rhythm of the world around me, which leads me to crave the quiet contemplativeness of nature rather than the pulse of the crowd, artificial light, human creation.

Yet, I do enjoy the opportunities a city affords, more and more I split the difference and fine ways to get into the natural world close to home. Of course the conflict between the two can lead to some dicey situations (when the geese attack) but for the most part I find contentment in my urban escapism. Last week, returning from a satisfying and long overdo bike ride, I saw a little blink of golden. The sun was retreating, the sky a hazy inky blue, the grass a dark husky green and suddenly bursts of gold were everywhere. Fireflies. And it felt like I was seeing them again for the first time, a reminder of the wonders of summer. All around me people were taking them in with delight, and as I peddled my way back home it reminded me that sometimes it takes a nightfall to let the natural light shine through.

Lakefront Jog

2008-06-27T13:16:00.002-04:00

I have been in quasi-overcast Chicago for a few days and decided to venture out this morning for a run on the lake front. I am visiting one of my oldest friends, and while he does the work thing I have set about filling my days. Now, Hyde Park, near the University of Chicago is not the most exciting of neighborhoods, though it does afford access to the lakefront and some of the most quality book shops around.

So, upon waking this morning, I donned my running gear, stuffed some cash and keys in my shorts and set out. It is warm here, but not stifling, and there was a nice breeze off of the lake. I walked over to an underpass and headed out when I got to the trail, and in a mile or so I was feeling my groove. Looking out over the expanse of Lake Michigan I felt a surge, a surge of expanding possibilities.

It has been a while since I have dedicated myself to running on my own. When I was training I would run for hours solo, and I enjoyed it, but I find now my motivation has been running dry. I fear facing my alone-ness out on the open road. But here, in Chicago, I ran, by myself, knowing no one around me, not even the terrain. And I'd like to say it was triumphant, inspiring, but in the end it was just a run, one I decided to cut short because of pesky knee pain (in the right knee this time).

I am glad I went though, even if it was short, even if it didn't make me feel like I could conquer the world, or just my little part of it. It reminded me that sometimes I need to just be. Just be and keep moving.

Resting in Reston

2008-06-23T15:59:00.002-04:00

My foray into VA did not include any running, despite my best intentions and preparation. I find it hard to prioritize running when I'm not in active training, especially when it takes time away from a visit with a friend who will be M.I.A. for two years. The trip was fruitful despite the stress and anxiety that comes from leaving for such a chunk of time. I was grateful to spend a few days just being there.

Of course, after a delay on the interstate on my drive home, I was more than ready to get out and get running after 5+ hours in the car. I met my best friend for a late evening park run on Sunday, nothing too strenuous, we did one and a half loops at Riverview, followed by a set of lunges just as a the evening's showers fell upon us.

I am looking forward to a bike ride this evening and a run with my new running buddy tomorrow, with the possibility of a long hill tackle. This month has been full of fits, starts, and stops in all sorts of ways. I am looking forward to a more steady and calm July. Sometimes, though, I find I just need to rest and be -- giving myself time to come back physically and mentally. I have faith that I will regain my strength and find a new rhythm.

Runs on the Road

2008-06-20T09:58:00.003-04:00

For the next two weekends I will be traveling to visit some of my favorite people and favorite cities. This weekend I'm headed to the DC area to bid farewell to one on my nearest and dearest, as he embarks on a two year stint in Africa. I am sad to lose his proximity, but excited for him and the opportunity.

So, I will attempt to keep an update on the road runs -- which reminds me that one of my very first running attempts was in Virginia, with Richard. Perhaps I will revisit that funny little suburban trail and see what a difference a year and half makes!

Rainstorms

2008-06-18T08:27:00.003-04:00

Last week I got caught in a rainstorm. Not a few piddly little drops but a deluge, the kind of pouring rain that hits you sideways. I enjoy the rain, especially on warm days, but this storm hit on my lunch hour when I was on the opposite side of town from the office attempting to reach the Indian buffet. I was not quite at the restaurant when the rain hit, so I ducked into a nearby office building determining to wait it out. In my experience such strong storms peter out fairly quickly and I would be able to snake over to pile on my lunch in no time. Mother nature had a different plan. After watching the rain pound the plate glass for twenty minutes I surrendered and headed to the buildings dreary food court for sustenance.

Luckily by the time I had to walk back across town the showers had abated a bit. I sprinted between awnings and managed to not get entirely stoked. I promised myself that next time, even if it wasn't raining when I left I would take my umbrella.

Getting stuck in the rain does not happen very often, usually we are prepared, watching the news or the sky for guidance. Pittsburgh's weather this week has been a precarious mixture of sun and rain, changing from one to the other at the drop of a dime. An external manifestation of the storms and sun within me. Oftentimes my feelings follow no predictable pattern, and in this time of letting go I tend to sit with the storm until the sun peeks through. The rain, no matter how strong and persistent does not last forever.

Forging Ahead

2008-06-13T15:00:00.003-04:00

I have not been paying as much attention to the blog this week as I've been adjusting the heat and the accompanying malaise. Physical activity has largely gone by the wayside with a few exceptions.

Last night was one of those exceptions as I joined my new running buddy for a five mile jaunt in Frick Park. I am the least familiar with Frick out of all of the city parks despite having lived close by for a number of years -- something about the terrain baffles me. There's no clear cut 'loop' but rather a network of trails that snake up and down hillsides and traverse grassy fields.

Setting off last evening, I was glad to have a guide and a partner in forging through despite temperatures hovering in the early 90's. Don't get me wrong, I'm a heat loving type of gal but my body has yet to fully adjust which messes with the function of all sorts of internal regulatory systems. We started out at a part of the park I was not familiar with, by the Frick museum and enjoyed a copious amount of tree shade along the trail - making things a good deal more manageable. I have done most of running up to this point on flat river trails, city streets, and paved park loops, the change of terrain was refreshing. Despite the heat and one seemingly endless hill it was a pleasant run. I was pleased with how it felt considering my little hiatus.

With my upcoming weekend trips, I worry about maintaining any sort of momentum -- running in Reston, VA can be a challenge when you are unfamiliar with suburban streets and paths. Chicago provides a much more hospitable experience, and I am considering throwing a 5 or 10k into my weekend. San Francisco's Pride 10k, which I ran last year, was a nice kick off to the weekend. I am still deciding and wondering if a trek across town at the wee hours of the morning would be worth the post-race high.

Energy Reserves

2008-06-10T14:37:00.006-04:00

In training quality rest serves an important purpose, without it muscles cannot rebuild properly and the risk for over use injuries increases. Sometimes I find it difficult to take a rest, in the thick of habit, used to my daily flow of endorphins.

In the past few months I have taken a rest from active training and explored and got reacquainted with some new activities. I feel the better for doing so, but I miss running and all the little victories I celebrated on the way to the marathon. These changes and the emotional heavy lifting of the past month have left me with less than my usual stock of energy. I find myself worn out frequently. Tired.

So, instead of fighting past this fatigue, I've decided to sit with it and to rest and re-build my energy reserve. I am planning several weekends away in the coming weeks and hoping to use that time to recharge my battery that sometimes feels close to dead.

hades 5k

2008-06-09T09:26:00.002-04:00

Friday nights return to racing began on a hot note, to the tune or 90 degrees and high humidity. The runners were relatively undeterred, perhaps scaling back expectations a bit but preparing to race none-the-less.

I met up with my new running buddy on the way into the park, we collected out packets and a race shirt worthy of the Steel City in bright gold with a black print of the Observatory. Gold has never been my color -- but it is always nice to have something to wear on the ubiquitous black and gold spirit days.

We shot the breeze for a while before the race, I was thankful to have company this year, as last year I spent a soggy hour waiting for the race to start solo. I was a little worried about my performance, I felt sluggish and all around hot and unmotivated, not necessarily good omens for the race to come. Still, I managed some excitement, and was off and running in the heat following seemingly endless announcements and the singing of the national anthem. The first flat bit and hill around the Observatory went well -- though as I descended into the park proper I began to feel the effects of the heat and my less then trained status. I trudged along, trying to not speed up too much on the downhill and risk falling out on the long snaking uphill. My fellow runners seemed taxed as well, as we headed up the hill several of my compatriots started to walk. Despite a twinge in my knee I decided to continue running -- chasing my running buddy up the hill -- I just kept putting one foot in front of the other and attempted to relax.

I made it into the finishing gate with a respectable time, and also with a good deal of nausea from the heat and pounding the asphalt. After sitting down and regaining my equilibrium I felt better and proceeded to fill myself with cup after cup of cool water and some well timed Italian ice. We stuck around for the awards -- and delightfully we both came in first in our respective age groups (which also meant we had to brave accepting our medals from a large fuzzy green frog mascot, but we persevered).

It was not a personal record for me, but considering the heat and my status I was pleased with the result. It gives me a base from which to improve, and proved that I have not lost my running mojo after all.

sweat box

2008-06-06T08:44:00.004-04:00

In the past day Pittsburgh's mercurial weather has shifted from dreary semi-cool rain to 90 degrees in a hot Southern style. Feels more like Alabama than Pennsylvania. I welcome the heat, but the suddeness of the change has set me off kilter. This week has been a bit of struggle for me in general -- I did get myself to the gym last night for a short run on the treadmill, my first workout of the week. Next week will be better.

The heat makes an interesting bedfellow for my return to racing, thankfully the trees in the park should provide some respite. Last year there was a downpour, the start was delayed due to threats of lightening. I persevered and ran without the friends I was expecting, who had, perhaps smartly, stayed home and dry. Despite the soggy conditions and loneliness I pulled out a personal record -- coming in first in my age group and category. After the race I saw one of my old high school friends and his wife, a welcome surprise, I ate cupfuls of Rita's Italian ice in the parklet I used to play in as a child, the rain gone and the early June heat steaming mist out onto the asphalt.

This year I don't plan on setting any records. I just want to run and accept my limitations in this first race after the marathon. Proving to myself the healing power of showing up and carrying on.

using pain

2008-06-04T14:04:00.006-04:00

Not much to report on the physical activity side with my two days off, but I'm looking to jump back on the treadmill tonight and do a bit of speed work in preparation for Friday's 5k. My days of rest have not been as restful as I imagined, heavy with socialization. I enjoy time with friends and meeting new people but it does tax my introverted energy reserves.

I subscribe to Runner's World's inspirational quote of the day, and often it leaves me perplexed -- usually because I cannot figure out how they relate to the running, such as the recent quote from Dostoevsky, "Suffering is the sole origin of consciousness". Does this refer to the physical pain? The suffering induced by mile upon grueling mile? Despite some serious hurt after the fact, I have never experienced a run as suffering, and if I did I'm not sure I would turn to it as my exercise of choice.

This quote stayed with me, however, beyond the implied context. I'm not sure I agree with Dostoevsky -- but I can attest that emotional (and physical) pain tap into a different level of consciousness. Facing pain instead of fleeing from it can lead to greater awareness, a deeper understanding of the self. Suffering, while not a desirable state can awaken us to new possibilities, can alert us to what we need to ultimately thrive, move forward, run faster, longer, find love within ourselves. Pushing limits, whether from within or without connects us to the essence of our humanity, our animal bodies, the elasticity of our spirits.

Pain has been my constant companion in this past month, and it is not something I enjoy, not something I knowingly invited. Yet it is here and I strive to use it as best I can, to expand my consciousness and my compassion. Go deeper.

Dostoevsky

beat

2008-06-02T13:03:00.002-04:00

Pittsburgh pulled out another gorgeous weekend keeping the rain quarantined to an early part of Saturday morning. I planned to take full advantage with bike rides Saturday and Sunday.

Friday night I decided to run after work, exploring the newly re-opened connection between the North shore trail and Point State Park. This week I was able to run twice without knee pain and I decided to take a nice long run to start my weekend off right. I made a loop from the trail, across to the Point, down through town onto the Strip trail and back to the North side. I can tell that I've lost stamina in the past two months of infrequent running, but managed to push through some of the fatigue. Back home, I headed over to the Greek food festival, indulging in all manner of foods encased in phyllo.

Saturday and Sunday I went on two separate bike rides, both incorporating the South side trail and stops for tasty gelati and iced coffee. Saturday's trip involved a near run in with a gaggle of geese, which after my last encounter was something I wanted to avoid. With a little backtracking we were able to avoid the situation all together.

Tiredness hit big time on Sunday. I realized that I had worked out in some manner every day this past week, and I was spent. I suppose, as with every thing else, there can be too much of a good thing. Physical activity makes me feel almost normal -- gives me a break from my whirling emotions. It is hard when I get this respite to acknowledge and permit myself rest as well. My tenacity works against me, pushing me past my comfortable limit, an outward manifestation of my desire to get past the pain. So I'm taking a break for the next few days and resting, giving my body time to restore and facing whatever emotions come.

Respect the Flow

2008-05-30T11:04:00.002-04:00

Last night I decided to do some laps in the pool and give my legs (and knees) a break from the impact of running and biking. Despite a fabulous day weather-wise, I figured it would be a good day to swim, soon the outdoor pools will be open and I can enjoy both the weather and the water. Until then it's the window-less pool at the Y.

I love the water. Perhaps you can chalk this up to my zodiac sign (Scorpio) or just growing up in Pittsburgh surrounded my rivers. Under water I feel a sense of peace that I don't feel on the surface. After a few warm up laps I go into a zone, in which I feel completely connected to my internal world. The pool is a safe haven for my introversion, and the repetitive motion of my strokes lulls me into a meditative state. I feel a sense of flow and letting go when I'm doing laps, more so than with other activities.

Perhaps if I swam more frequently I would not derive the same sense of peace from the activity. The tedium of preparing for and de-chlorinating after make it more difficult to incorporate into a daily routine. I also fear that the solitary nature of swimming could overwhelm me. Even when running or biking alone there's an opportunity to connect with others on the trail. Sometimes though, I just have to fall back on the things that give me the most satisfaction and make peace with the solitude. Respect the flow.

Hill Work

2008-05-29T08:24:00.003-04:00

Following my 50 mile ride, I was worried I had strained my right knee. After spending weeks getting my left knee back into operation the prospect of the same with my right was disheartening to say the least.

Thankfully it only needed a little rest. I ran 4 miles on the treadmill Tuesday, sans incline and 4.5 miles on the Riverview loop last evening. It has been almost two months since the marathon and I finally feel ready to begin a new base and run regularly. Looking forward, I signed up for the Stomp the Grapes Half Marathon in October, which gives me plenty of time to prepare. I have decided to hold off on a second full marathon until Pittsburgh and use this time to build my strength and stamina. Risking injury or significant recovery time does not seem like a wise idea.

Yesterday's run in Riverview was my first successful hill run since the marathon. The Atlanta Marathon was chock full of hills, which even to this Pittsburgher were not to be taken lightly. It occurred to me, as I trudged up the grade, that this is the work that builds strength. It is difficult and at times I find myself slowing down, gasping for air or just wondering if there will ever be a downhill. During races, I have walked hills even when I promised myself I would not walk. Sometimes you just have to surrender. Difficulties or hard times are similar -- sometimes you have to give in to how hard things are, lay down for a while, give yourself permission to take things slowly. Hill have their value, even if they are not something to tackle everyday, and each time around makes things a little bit easier.

Miles to Go Before I Sleep

2008-05-25T18:08:00.012-04:00

Sidelined as I have been from long distance running, I have not been able to reap the mental and physical benefits of hours of exercise. Often when I'm out I wish I could go further, but my IT band and loss of conditioning dictate otherwise. Every meandering bike ride around the city leaves me with a thirst for more, and one day out on the Eliza Furnace trail with Barbara we hatched a plan to get out and do a long ride. So plans were made. I decided that we should head out to the Youghiogheny river trail, close to Pittsburgh, picturesque and flat, it stretches for many miles, perfect for a long meandering ride.

We headed out on Saturday, the first day of the long weekend -- which would give us plenty of time to recover by Tuesday if 50 miles left us in less than stellar shape. We started out at the Boston Waterfront loaded down with plenty of water, snacks, and a modge podge of bike repair accouterments.

The day could not have been more beautiful, sunny with a smattering of clouds across the sky. We unloaded our bikes from the car and got moving. Here's a shot of our starting point:

Cycling along we passed several baseball fields alive with Saturday little league games. The trail goes through bits of neighborhoods as well as more natural settings. Our first stop was at a small cemetery / campground -- the farthest point I'd biked too the last time I visited the trail. We walked around the headstones pondering what life must have been like in the little mill towns along the trail. Continuing onward, we entered a forested area lush with spring growth and little purple wildflowers. Several small waterfalls cascaded down the hillsides.

We continued to ride buoyed by the flat trail and beautiful surroundings. At West Newton we decided to stop to fuel up, relaxing on a bench overlooking the river. After our repast, we headed back to the trail with a little over ten miles to go until we turned back around.

We continued on feeling our oats, at 25 miles it seemed like we could go on forever. But instead we turned around and headed back, a decision we were thankful for at mile 40. The last ten miles seemed more difficult than the first thirty, my knee began to ache and it felt as though the bike seat had suddenly lost all padding. Thanks to some ibuprofen and a snack stop on some bleachers we were able to make it back to the car, tired but triumphant.

Giddy from the ride, I got a bit turned around but still managed to make it back to Pittsburgh in a reasonable amount of time. The ride helped to clear my head, at least for the 6 hours on the trail. Peddling away from the burdens of sadness and processing and just day to day carrying on. Riding helps me appreciate the beauty that is around me as well as my potential. Each day it gets a little bit easier and I grow a little bit stronger.

Mission Aborted

2008-05-23T10:18:00.003-04:00

Last night I decided to finally check out Frontrunners, a glbt running group with chapters throughout the country (and perhaps world). Going to a group run is a bit outside of my comfort zone, I fall on the introverted side of the scale and generally enjoy running alone or with one good pal. Still, I figured that it wouldn't be a bad idea to check out the group, if only for some camaraderie and perhaps an occasional outlet. I enlisted my running / biking buddy extraordinaire into this little adventure, figuring if things were strange having her there would soften the blow a bit.

We arrived at the meeting place around 7 and found it deserted. As the minutes ticked by I wondered if the group was defunct or just poorly attended on some nights. We waited. A few minutes later a lone runner ambled up and stood a few feet away from us. A few minutes later a serious looking fellow came by, he looked like he could easily run a Boston qualifying marathon, perhaps several, perhaps he could run one that very evening. Feeling a bit overwhelmed and intimidated I signaled to my companion that I wanted to bail and we headed back towards my car. As we drove up to the oval for a few laps I noticed a small group had gathered, all men at the statute. I felt tremendous relief that we had averted a potentially awkward situation.

I am sure this group serves a good purpose, and I would even be open to trying again when I knew more folks would be running. I am also not sure running with them would have been the worst thing in the world but sometimes you just have to follow your gut. Several rounds of the oval path felt just right, and I realized that I need to be gentle with myself. I can expand my horizons slowly and organically. I trust that I will be back, and better than ever, in my own time.

Looking forward, I registered for the Riverview 5k on June 6th. Running in Riverview is always a pleasure and I love the feel of a small-ish race. I plan on incorporating some speed work in my routine next week and hopefully kicking off my return to running season with a good time.

Heart on My Cortado

2008-05-21T15:03:00.002-04:00

I am a bit of a coffee addict. Not just for the caffeine, but for the rich, bitter, nuanced flavor. I love coffee. Recently I decided to branch out and try some local shops that I hadn't visited previously and soon became acquainted with 21st Street Coffee in the strip. It was love at first sip. I had never been enticed into the shop previously, with it's relatively nondescript awning, I usually stopped by La Prima for my coffee fix while on Penn Ave. I decided to visit because I learned they are the only shop in the area with a Clover machine, which equates to a freshly brewed cup of drip coffee from a tasty little menu. Not only is their coffee stellar, the shop has a quaint appeal -- done up in dark brown and aqua with a 2nd floor loft. It has quickly become one of my regular Saturday haunts.

Yesterday afternoon I decided to visit 21st streets other 'store' (more like a kiosk) in downtown Pgh, a five minute walk from my office. I ordered a cortado, my new favorite espresso drink, which is a shot or two of espresso topped with a small amount of steamed milk. The milk cuts the bitterness of the espresso but does not overwhelm it like a full size latte. Perfect. I ordered mine to go, went to stir in a sugar in the raw and saw the cutest little heart on top of the foam. It made me smile, my first genuinely felt smile in the past few weeks. It was so simple yet unexpected. And even though I stirred the heart right out of that foam, it managed to buoy my spirits. Little things matter, in and of themselves, and as markers for a greater sense of well being, a more optimistic view of the universe.

Running wise, I took my friend Barbara out for her first real 'run' of two miles with another veteran runner. She did awesomely and I enjoyed imparting my knowledge and reconnecting with the thrill of beginning something new. She promises to school me in the ways of the bike in return. Soon I will be on my way to a triathalon, perhaps sooner than I think!

Muscle Fatigue

2008-05-20T11:04:00.003-04:00

Sunday's 5-mile triumph has left me with a renewed sense of hope and in turn an overflow of enthusiasm. Not wanting to do too much too soon, I decided a trip out on the bike would be a good balance for Monday night activity, and I needed to pop into the grocery, so why not combine the two?

I started out on the North shore trail, my own little cross town highway. It was cool but sunny and I moved along at a pretty nice clip. I headed across the 31st street bridge, pleased with my time, feeling relatively good. Then, I hit Liberty Ave. Liberty Ave has a dedicated bike lane and a slighly less sharp grade then Penn -- which makes it a good choice for a bicyclist descending into the East End. I started up the hill, a little tired, but determined. It only took a few minutes for me to lose steam. I stopped and considered my plan tentatively deciding to proceed at a slower pace. About a minute later I decided my ambition did not match my steam, turning around and enjoying the fruits of my labor with a smooth ride the opposite direction.

Turns out I failed to take my muscle fatigue from Sunday into account, as well as my overall lack of bike conditioning. Mentally I feel as though I can do most anything, but my physical limitations serve as reminders to not go too far. Marathon training played around with my concepts of real versus perceived limits. It stretched me further than I ever thought I could go. A good and healthy stretch based on months of effort and attention. Now as I pick back up I must respect my limits, pushing too far or too hard too fast could leave me burnt out, injured and even further away from my goals. One pedal at a time. I have no doubt that in my own time I will be able to scale Pittsburgh's hills.

Peaks and Valleys

2008-05-19T09:51:00.003-04:00

Another unpredictable weather weekend in Pittsburgh, and I did my best to take advantage of sun breaks to enjoy the outdoors. Saturday during the day my activity buddy extraordinaire and I partook in the Venture Outdoors festival. Despite a little rain, the bike over to Herr's Island was lovely. I enjoyed walking around and soaking in the activity around me. We took some kayaks out and I managed fairly well though it always look much less laborious then it turns out to be. My first experience with kayaking, which occurred in the bio luminescent bay in Puerto Rico was an exercise in frustration, which ended in a very turned around Ellen having to hook on to my friend Jen's boat and be pulled along, after trailing 10 minutes behind the group. After that humbling experience, the thought of kayaking invoked a kind of fear of humiliation. I am glad to report that I am on my way to overcoming this, even though my novice status still applies.

I also purchased a sweet backpack that I plan on taking with me when I bike around town -- it promises to increase my visibility, check her out:

Wild. All and all I thoroughly enjoyed the festival and am looking forward to next year.

Sunday afternoon I headed out to North Park for a run. I decided it was time to try the 5 mile loop, one I used to train on frequently pre-marathon. The sun came out and I strapped my IT band brace on and headed out, ipod on shuffle and hopeful. I kept a consistent pace, slower than my usual and was able to complete the full 5 miles! I feel strong and on my way to overcoming this injury. I plan on taking it easy and slowly increasing mileage for a few weeks until I try to get my speed back, but I'm back to running and it feels terrific.

Healing. It's an interesting process, and one that we as humans do time and time again. Pain happens, sometimes at our own invitation, sometimes by accident, sometimes through the will of another. We bandage up, rest, apply ice, cry, and accept hugs and the nervous laughter of those around us. With adequate coaxing and care, the body heals itself, cells regenerate muscles regain their former strength. It takes time but eventually we get better. Emotional healing follows a similar pattern though it is not so easy to see the scabs. Sometimes the hurt gets aggravated and sometimes it feels as though it has disappeared completely, only to come back stronger the next day. But bit by bit I am regenerating and feeling the connection between my body and mind -- enduring and embracing both the peaks and the valleys.

3.1

2008-05-15T09:02:00.000-04:00

Last night I ran a 5k on the treadmill, pain free, and distracted by none other than Anthony Bourdain on the Travel Channel. His visit to Charleston, SC kept me focused, and I was able to sweat through a half and hour without stopping. After some dutiful stretching, I headed back into the overcast haze of the evening, psyched about regaining my running mojo. My mind was awash with possibilities, more and more mileage, a half marathon, but I rewound. If I'm to overcome this injury I can't get ahead of myself -- an overextension in this weakened state could set me back even further.

If I'm able to slowly build more mileage and remain pain free, I'm looking forward to doing the Run for Alex again this year. I ran the 5 mile race last year and it was a challenge. It was a hot day in Bentleyville, and the asphalt was not forgiving (nor was the giant 'suprise' hill in the course). This race was also my first experience with helpful comments from other runners and energy sharing. The last mile of the race I was close behind a runner who waved to every spectator, his encouraging words and the smiles and waves from the towns folk went a long way to my sailing into the finish line. Unfortunately once I crossed the finish line I also had my first experience with post race nausea, but was able to recover in time, and make a visit to the largest post run buffet I have ever seen complete with chocolate fountain!

So hopefully I can run it again this year but I'm taking things one step at a time. One tentative and careful foot in front of the other until my strength returns.

Creature of New Habits

2008-05-14T11:19:00.001-04:00

I came across an interesting article in the NY Times -- which relates well to my current state of affairs re: developing new habits. Check it out for yourself here:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/04/business/04unbox.html?ei=5124&en=e1243d427937195c&ex=1367553600&adxnnl=1&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink&adxnnlx=1210777438-PW2mX+ZXJONPdtaCmv1R6w

Change as a precursor to expanding creativity and innovation. I like that. I am on my way to developing a new biking habit, and so far I'm enjoying the process (if not the swarms of gnats along the riverfront trail). Protein aside, a gnat in the mouth is not a pleasant experience.

This evening I'm planning a bit of a return to old habits with some time on the trusty treadmill. I am keeping my fingers crossed for a relatively pain free run.

Re-Calibration

2008-05-13T14:41:00.000-04:00

Returning back to standard. I am in the thick of this process and at the moment it feels less than exhilarating. Last nights plans for laps in the pool gave way to burrowing under the covers and all things artichoke. I figured I could cut myself some slack, my shoulder still aches a bit from the goose run-in and 50-degree rainy weather makes a snuggly bed all the more inviting.

Still, I’m not sure what this evening accomplished, rather than a preface to a good nights sleep. I set a lofty goal of exercise, in some form, daily – so pushing it to the side gave me a momentary high of self indulgence and many more hours of low grade guilt. Would it have been that hard to walk the block to the gym and jump in the pool?

I can’t seem to shake the feeling of frustration, of starting from near scratch again, of my aching knee, after I spent weeks upon weeks running countless miles. I consider that without this ‘break’ it’s likely I would not have tried new activities at all thus robbing me of their potential joy and a stronger, more well rounded self.

So, I struggle and try to maintain perspective. 30-mile weeks rarely equaled a panacea. Still, just getting back to a normal schedule and a normal state of mind feels overwhelming. I’m sitting with this feeling for a while and doing my best to get out and about even when my inertia dictates the opposite. The balance I crave cannot be achieved through inactivity, I must get out there if I hope to run another day, another marathon, and re-calibrate my life.

Pittsburgh Marathon

2008-05-12T13:23:00.000-04:00

This just in - Pittsburgh's marathon set to resume in 2009 -- I can't wait!

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/08133/881064-53.stm

Goosed.

2008-05-12T10:38:00.000-04:00

Sidelined as I am with iliotibial band issues, I've taken to my bike to get out and enjoy the intermittently beautiful Pittsburgh Spring days. I am relatively new to all things biking, but I look at my injured state as an opportunity to explore more and cross train. Riding doesn't thrill me as much as running, but it still gets me out and about, and riding with friends always leads to several hours of 'bike therapy' -- helpful in these fragile weeks.

Early Saturday morning I was afraid drear would cloud my weekend -- overcast, the chilly rain threatened to stay -- but by mid-morning sun started to peek through the clouds giving way to a clear and sunny afternoon. So I called my friend, and running buddy of last season to meet me for a bike ride -- she's new to biking as well, and we've had a delightful time in our nubian forays around town.

We met up at the 31st street bridge and decided to head over to the Southside trail which runs along the Monongahela river -- heading into town, we cut over onto the Strip riverfront trail, and settled in for a leisurely ride. Leisurely, that is, until we ran smack dab into a family of Canadian Geese. I've often come across geese along the riverbanks, and never given much thought to sharing the 'road' with them as it were. Certainly they are not the most docile of creatures but I've never felt threatened by them in any real way. I continued along the path moving to the left of the geese and speeding up a bit to get past them quickly. But the momma goose had a different idea. In a split second a giant feathery mass flew up and came rushing towards me -- squawking and hissing, I struggled to keep my equilibrium. The bird flew around and I was dazed, I attempted to right my bike and make my next move when she came at me a second time throwing her weight against me, I dropped the bike and ran the other direction -- towards my stunned biking companion. After determining I was ok and breaking down into somewhat of a hysterical laughter, I notice four little puffy yellow chicks that had been out of view with two big geese beside them. Without such motherly intervention, my bike may have squashed one of these chicks. The geese retreated to the water, and I was able to retrieve my bike and sneak by until I was safely able to bike along the path again -- with a few scrapes and bit of an aching shoulder.

So, my fellow trail users of Pittsburgh, watch out for those geese! Do not take hissing lightly or you may end up with a 20 pound bird flying directly at you. I have learned a lesson in deference, and the healing power of raucous laughter in the face of absurdity.